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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and this girl started dating recently (a couple months ago). She was in a relationship for almost 3 years with a guy she swore she wasn't happy with. Well we kept talking and we are dating now. She broke up with him beacause she wasn't happy and didn't want to stay with him anymore. But I found out through some people she's been talking to him again. I asked her about it and she admitted to sending him a couple messages. The only reason she says she is talking to him is that she doesnt want him to be mad at her. She says she loves me and wants me but she also still has strong feelings for him. She says she doesn't know what to do so I gave her time to think. I have been nothing but nice to her. Ive tried to do everything to make her happy so why is she still thinking about him. She says shes really happy with me and doesnt want to lose me but I think she just doesnt want me to be hurt over it. Should I even try to stay with her and try to work through this or should I just nicely end it. I'm trying not to get hurt since I love her alot, but I also don't want to get cheated on.Just for more info on it this is a long distance relationship since i'm serving in the armed forces. But she's close enough we can see each other every couple weeks. So Question 1. Why does she still think of him if she swears that shes really happy with me.Question 2. What should I do.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Well to answer question 1, Love is a hard thing to get over especially if the break-up is fresh. She still loves him but needs time to sort thru her feelings of being without him. I mean 3 years is a long time.
Question 2: I suggest talking to her and telling her how you feel. Then, give her to grieve the relationship. Then see how that works out.
You might have to come to the conclusion or realization that you are a rebound guy. Sorry but that could be the case. Communication is the key. Good Luck.
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male
reader, Robin +, writes (8 September 2006):
If she has been in a relationship for 3 years there are bound to be ties between her and her ex.
She possibly will retain links with him because he is the devil that she knows as opposed to the one that she doesn't (you). Long distance relationships are always more difficult than closer ones because one partner never knows what the other is doing.
However, time will give her the confidence in you that she needs, treat her like a lady and devote what free time you have to her as opposed to down the pubs with the lads when you have leave.
Bear in mind that a lot of strain is imposed on service relationships until you marry, then it becomes a little easier if she goes where you do!
So, decide whether you want to treat this relationship seriously and go for it, if you get hurt then it's all part of life's rich tapestry. You are young enough at any age to start again!
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