A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend loves rough, fast, powerful sex; but I cum very quickly from too much accelerated stimulation (say, less than 1-2 minutes). She doesn't complain, and says she loves it - and I can tell, and so do I enjoy it as well, but not as much as slower, prolonged sex tho. After I cum, I keep going (until I loose my erection from reaching orgasm) and then continue with oral stimulation and fingering until she reaches multiple orgasms, then we cuddle for a long time (part I honestly enjoy the most from the whole act). By this point I get my second erection, but since she has orgasmed two or three times she now is too sensitive to continue with intercourse.Even though I make her orgasm, and I reached too, I feel somewhat unsatisfied because the actual vaginal intercourse was too short, in my opinion at least - and apparently in her's too, since we keep fooling around, stimulating her by other means. I don't feel unsatisfied because of my pleasure, but rather how much she enjoys vaginal penetration compared to the compensating oral/fingering aftershow. I've tried to start slow and passionate and build up (which does help me last much longer) and she enjoys that as well, but apparently not as much and starts (sorry if too much information) spanking and begging me to go faster, deeper and stronger, and that's when I inevitably cum.I was initially against the idea of using toys, but considered due to the circumstances, but she refused and says there is no need and she disliked the idea. We don't use condoms, at all... we tired unsensitized-gel, but it gets her numb too, making it less pleasurable. I've tried some PE remedies, but have failed to see any benefit (start-stop, squeeze, kegel, hypnosis, teas, etc...)I know she is satisfied in the end, we have sex every other day, and we both enjoy it, and do it every chance we get.... but I think I can be an even better lover if I could bypass this form of premature ejaculation.Any recommendations or thoughts? I really don't wan't to accept my performance as "enough" - which I guess is part of my problem to begin with. I just want to be a better lover and give her more pleasure.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): OP here, thanks to anon's comment I was able to outlast for about an hour this morning! I started out slow, slow and steady, pulling out whenever I felt it "coming"... then she went on top, and rode me like HELL, whenever I was feeling the build up, I would take charge, and move slow, or hold her steady while stroking other erogenous zones. We went at it at many positions (some of which usually make me cum quick) and closing with a grand finally of both climaxing at the same time. It was beautiful and we both agree it's been the BEST SEX we've had, EVER! Too bad we don't have all the time in the world all the time ;) I appreciate it the tip and your time!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I can totally relate to your situation, and will tell you what has helped for me.
I came off a LTR with a woman who was not very sexual, and the sex was fine, but was more of the prolonged, slow, passionate..."lazy" sex as she called it. THat's what she liked, and I got so used to it, I knew nothing else. fast forward to my current partner, and she loves the hard, slamming, deep thrusting. She too gets off on the act of sex and the penetration...not on orgasms. In fact, she has never had a vaginal orgasm from intercourse at all, and I am supposedly the only guy to make her cum ever.
Like you, I used to be rather unsatisfied with sex because it was a lot of hard slamming until I blew after a few minutes. If I went slow, she would pull me into her harder with her hands and heels. But I soon realized she was OK with me cumming fast, becuase she got off on it. But what about the slower, passionate sex that I liked, and quite frankly, felt better? Well, I just began to alternate...in a kind of teasing way. I would put it in slow and do some slow thrusts until she begged me to go harder. Then I would slam her good for a minute or so. THen go slow. THis rythmic teasing was amazingly pleasurable for us both, and satisfied both our needs. It also slowed down my "peaking", and I am now able to last indefinitely and cum on command.
The key, was I took the lead rather than HER. I made her beg for me to go faster, so she knew I was teasing her rather than being "wimpy". Now she enjoys the long, deep, slow sex almost as much.
I don't know about your GF's history, but mine came from a background of basically FWB who did not put much effort into passionate sex. So, she got used to hard, slamming sex and that's what she knows. What you need to do is show her the art of lovemaking. Maybe go to a class together or read a book together on Karma Sutra or Tantric sex. Do some role playing or use some toys. All of these will slow down the sexual experience and open all kinds of doors.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 All that I can say is that those "delay" or "last longer" condoms seem to work. I accidentally bought a batch and I didn't know that I was using them and honestly I thought that I had a problem because I was banging away for 1/2 an hour and nothing - I was having to stop for a rest and a cup of tea before getting back to the sex.
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