A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have no sex life and its really beginning to frustrate me. Not only don't I have a sex life now, but I've never really had one. I've only been with one girl one time before and that pretty much sums it up. Other than that it's just me and...well...myself for that sort of company. I find myself constantly thinking about sex and no way to get rid of all this pent up sexual frustration. The guys I know tell me that I just need to go out and get laid as if it were just that easy.First off I'm really not all for the one night stand kind of thing. My first time was kind of that way even though I did know the girl before that night. Sure it felt good but that was pretty much it and being my first time I really didn't know what I was doing back then (Not that I really do now anyway). I've been reading up and feel I may have a bit more to offer in that department. I'd much rather be having sex in a relationship with someone I really care about. Something about that just sounds right to me. That and she'd hopefully be more accepting of my inexperience and it would mean that I'd be getting it more often than every five years.Secondly, I really have no luck with girls as it is. I have no "game" if you will. I can talk to people just fine, but get me around an attractive girl and I get really shy. Not shy in the sense that I can't think of anything to say and just freeze up though. I can hold a friendly conversation just fine. I just can't figure out how to make that transition to the next level of "I really find you attractive and am looking for something more."I would really rather meet someone through some sort of commonality. I think best case scenario would be meeting someone through a friend or through school (I'll be going back to school this fall to finish my bachelors degree.) I think that would take away some of that awkwardness of walking up to a complete stranger in a place like a bar or club.That's only half the battle. Then there's the whole dating thing. I've never dated before and can't really say I know how to. What are you supposed to do on a date? Where do people go on dates?This is getting a little lengthy and if you're still reading you're probably wondering if this guy's really serious, but I assure you that as much as I hate to admit it that these are real concerns of mine. I feel so far behind the learning curve I'm just trying to make this less painful than it already is for me. It's really beginning to hit home that all my friends are starting to marry their girlfriends and relationships and sex are all around me yet seem to be just outside of my grasp. I'm looking for whatever advice I can find.
View related questions:
one night stand, sex life, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Hi. Well you say your'e sexualy fustrated and don't like one-nights-stans. Iv'e been with a girl for 9 years and i'm not getting anny. Point is, if you want sex dont be in a long-term relationship.
Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I think alot of guys have this issue, so don't feel alone in that. You have no problem talking to girls, thats good, its a start, so get to know them and become friends first, thats a good quality you have because alot of guys cant do that. So you're actually off to a good start!
"I really find you attractive and am looking for something more"
That is exactly what you say when you meet a girl you like and have become friendly with her. You be friendly not be the friend though, this just means being open with eachother, and feeling comfortable talking about different things, that may take a couple of weeks maybe months depending on how often you're in contact with the girl, then when you feel the time is right you tell her you want to move things on.
As for dating, take it slowly, text or email her first, then next step chat on the phone, then ask would she like to meet up and don't fear rejection if she isnt interested move on, no girl is going to be like OMG what a freak he asked me out! she might just say no shes not interested, and so what! big deal! you just keep trying your luck with other girls and embrace single life, you have the opertunity to flirt with lots of girls.
On a date; After talking to her and getting to know her awhile, im sure you will know her interests and what you both have in common (if anything). She might like bowling, there might be a new movie she wants to see, so you just probe to find out.
while on a date you would ask her questions about areas in her life that you want to know more detail about such as her family, friends, job, study, etc. Questions lots of questions it also shows you're interested and a few compliments.
On a first date though avoid, talking about past relationships and ex's thats important. Also don't keep dropping the hand on her if she doesnt like it, that can be annoying after awhile. if she doesnt push hand away well you know you can take things further that way. At the end of the date if you like her but you're too shy to go for a full on snog just a kiss on the cheek is fine. If you still liked her after the date and you could both bare being in eachothers company for that time you arrange a 2nd date, not straight away mayb a couple of days later.
I know its easier saying it here, but its just something you have to pluck up the courage to do, and only you can do it, don't rush it you have to be prepare to take it slow. Don't compare yourself to your friends, for all you know they may be very unhappy in they're relationships, but put on a show for everyone. Focus on making you're own happiness.
Hope thats helped.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, ADDmireme +, writes (6 May 2011):
 First, I'm sorry to hear you're so frustrated but I can assure you you're not alone and your concerns are valid and understandable.
I'ts nice to hear that you would rather be in a sexual relationship with someone you care about rather than having one night stands with random girls. If only more guys shared your outlook lol.
I think you need to relax about the whole thing and not stress over it so much. You're making yourself nervous by overthinking dating so much and it's preventing you from going out there and meeting people.
The best way to communicate to some that you're interested in them is probably by inviting them out for coffee or a dinner or something and go on from there. Don't actually say you are looking for something more right off the bat. If you start out with a casual conversation/date and you seem to get along, things will take their own course. Find a similar interest to talk about.. Don't use sleazy pick up lines lol. Women like outgoing guys because we like to be perused but sometimes we find it cute when guys are nervous around us don't worry.
Don't worry about not having any "game"
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got, so approach a woman with confidence and if one turns you don't, move on to the next. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
Check this article out:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/112_dating_advice.html
And ask your coupled friends to introduce you their single friends!
Good luck
...............................
|
