A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need some serious help, please. i have no idea what to do anymore. my girlfriend and i have so many problems, and i don't have a clue what to do about them anymore.there's absolutely no communication in our relationship. and it's not because i don't try. if i have my feelings hurt by something, or there's a general lacking in the relationship in a particular area, i try so hard to calmly express them to her so we can talk them out and fix them. but the thing is, when i do this, she just tells me i'm nagging her and gets annoyed. for example tonight, she said something that slightly hurt my feelings. and i attempted to express my feelings to her, and all she could do was literally groan with annoyance and yawn in my ear and interrupt me and tell me she was so tired and all i was doing was keeping her awake. i've never had anyone in my whole life belittle my feelings like that. so i tried to explain to her that behaving like that wasn't acceptable in a healthy relationship and that i couldn't ever imagine ever talking to her like that. and all she did was persist and continue to moan and groan. i mean what the hell do you do with someone like that?? she makes me get to the point where i'm so frustrated to tears from it all building up and the lack of general respect i feel i'm receiving. i feel like i'm genuinely about to rip my hair out. yet she thinks whole-heartedly that I'M the one in the wrong because i should have just shut up and left it alone and gone to sleep and ignored it and started over tomorrow. she literally believes that when someone attempts to communicate, that they're just being a nuisance. but the more she ignores me and belittles me, the more angry and frustrated i get.i know most people would just say to attempt to talk to her about this and explain how it makes me feel. but how can you communicate to someone that there's a problem with our communication?? SHE WON'T LISTEN! that's the whole problem in itself. when communication IS our main concern, how can you change it without being able to communicate it? i'm at my wits end here with this girl and am not willing to sacrifice my self esteem over the way she talks to me. but i also don't want to just run away. is there any last salvaging bits of advice or if someone is truly that disrespectful, should i just say forget it anyway?
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female
reader, ms.sweetandsimple  +, writes (1 August 2011):
I think the only way to communicate with her is just write a letter then just say everything.If she are not willing to read.I guess just let her be!just give her time and of course I guess my best advice is you have to pray.Ask God for his guidance about your relationship.If all of your effort has been declined or if its not gonna work well its the right time to move on.let her life be all by herself!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): OK.I know exactly where you are with this, I have been exactly the same situation myself except I married the woman and had a son with her. We are now divorced for various reasons but mostly her lack of communication, respect and her inability to listen to ANYONE not just me.First up we both agreed we should never have got married (hindsight is a wonderful thing). But we did and we just have to live with that fact.When we first met she was very bossy. I found this kind of endearing as she is a woman who knows how to get what she wants. As time wore on we got married and had a son. I married her because she wanted to marry me. All I ever did was try to make her happy..an impossible task. She gradually became more demanding of me. I mean, I had to do everything in our relationship. I worked 4 - 5 nights per week, looked after our son 3 days a week while she worked, cooked her dinners, did laundry, decorated the house, renovated our back yard etc. All she could do was complain at 'how I did things' and 'the way I am'. She worked 3 days per week and when she finished work she just lay around demanding stuff from me all the time. She complained of being depressed after having a baby. I was very sympathetic hence I did everything I could for her. Things started to go down hill rapidly. She became more and more depressed, she criticized me for everything I did, embarrassed me in front of my friends etc. Generally, she didn't have anything positive to say about me.I started to feel very down and worthless. I felt so used and abused. I distanced myself from her. I started drinking more than normal, but not to alcoholic levels. I needed to get out of the house and away from the constant bombardment of demands and criticism. I lost a lot of employment (I was self employed) due to the economic downturn. I needed support from her and all she could say was get another job which I did, in fact I got 3 part time jobs and guess what, not good enough. I paid for everything in our home, she wanted more and more. The money she made from her work was 'her money to do what she wanted with'. She treated me like a child, to our friends she accused me of being lazy, alcoholism, drug addiction, domestic abuse, infidelity etc. None of it true, and my friends knew this. Every time we had a dispute she played the 'I want a divorce' card.She left me eventually because she needed 'someone to take care of her'. I mean WHAT?? What have I been doing for years? She took my child from me. When I tried to tell how I was feeling she wouldn't listen to me or anyone. She was 'tired of me and my nagging'. She had no respect for me or my feelings. This woman could not say sorry for anything she did. She does not know how to say thank you for anything and genuinely mean it. She failed to see that she might be at fault for anything, that it takes two to tango and that our marriage break down was all my fault because of the false allegations. The truth is that she discovered that she didn't love me anymore so this was her ticket out of the marriage, to accuse me of everything under the sun so she could justify leaving me. By law I am not permitted to talk to her, she had me up in court to suggest that I was harming our son, so she took a restraining order out against me. The woman is a taker, a user and a liar and will say/do anything to get what she wants.My advice is to get the hell out of there. You might not be able to see it now but eventually this will only get worse for you as time goes on. Do it now, it may be very hard to do but you need to be brave for you. When you find the strength to do something brave like that, you will have a different perspective on life, and you will find someone who wants to be with you and love you for who you are and not what you have.This happened to me. After my disastrous marriage, through time I found inner happiness and strength. I built up my confidence again, got a lot of my original employment back (which I was most happy doing) and found the love of my life. I have never been happier despite all the little jibes I still get from my ex wife. Do not settle for second best. You deserve to love and be loved nothing short of 100%. So tell your ex to talk a long walk and not come back.I hope this helps, be brave and get out. It will only get worse if you don't. You don't want to live a life of walking on eggshells around someone. Your special girl is out there waiting on someone like you. End what you have now and go search for true happiness, you won't regret it. Good luck. :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): RUN AND RUN FAST!
Wow your girlfriend sounds like a real bitch, no offense.
Have you been together a long time? If so, has she always reacted this way when you attempt to communicate your feelings to her? If this is new behavior and you're not used to seeing her be so rude she might have given up on your relationship and maybe met someone else..
All I can tell you is that no matter what, two adults should always be able to state their arguments without insulting or hurting one another.. in any situation, especially when youre talking to someone you love. She obviously doesn't love you or care about your relationship and she's very immature for yawning in your ear while you try to talk to her..
You should never stay with someone who disrespects you and hurts you. Point blank
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