A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm truly at a loss at the moment. My girlfriend just told me tonight randomly through a text that I've gained a lot of weight since we met and that she's worried about my health. That she felt she needed to tell me. Thing is, I'm almost 100% certain that I haven't gained any weight. I'm still wearing all the same clothes - jeans, shirts, everything. And honestly, I look the same! Thing is, she suffered with an eating disorder in the past and had anorexia and bulimia and has confided in me lately that she's falling back into her old ways and has stopped eating and has thrown up a few times. I feel like she's projecting on to me how she feels about herself or that she's judging me in the same way she's judging herself. I feel awful about myself right now and I've never felt like that before. I feel so ugly and undesirable. No body has ever made me feel like that. I know I'm not undesirable because I get hit on frequently. I feel devastated. Advice please. I'm really torn up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha thank you, Cerberus. That was a much needed chuckle and healthy dose of reality. Everything you said was incredibly true. I will try to take it with a grain of salt.
I've always been relatively happy overall with my appearance and have no trouble getting attention from women. That comment was just an initial bomb shell and made me question myself in a way I've never done before. No one I've cared about like that has ever told me flat out that I'm fat and need to lose weight. It makes it hard to feel comfortable being intimate now, as my confidence really took a blow from this. Makes me feel insecure to show my body because I feel she thinks I'm gross. Deep down, I know it's not me. It just shocked me so incredibly bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): OP you know what's happening here and why she said it, you need to step outside of the words she said and see why she said them. They have no meaning, you know you're not that so why let it bother you?
You're going to have a very tough time staying with her if you take her comments on weight seriously, this won't be the last time OP because she has a mental obsession with the subject.
Call her out on it though OP and tell her such comments are unwarranted and unwelcome. No need for a confrontation or anything just make it clear how they made you feel and that your health is not at risk.
With all due respect to her OP what the hell does she know about healthy weight? Not exactly a logical expert on the subject, that's like being told by a heroin addict that you shouldn't take Tylenol for a headache as it's bad for your liver, haha you know? Best not to take it in any way seriously. If she was a fitness instructor and was herself physically and mentally healthy, then yeah maybe her comment would have merit, but just never take what she says about diet, weight, fitness or health in any seriously because she has no idea what she's talking about.
I dated a woman with an eating disorder, frankly it was a bit of a nightmare, I'm a practical person and people with ED are illogical, emotional creatures who don't want to be healthy and fit they just want to exert a self destructive control. Eventually I just started laughing her face when she tried to criticize my weight or eating habits. Not the best thing to do, it was the right reaction but I should have kept it internal and remained outwardly diplomatic like I had from the start.
OP try and laugh off such comments in your head. Seriously, the way I see it is a person with an eating disorder's view on diet and weight is like a 5 year old's view of what it's like to be a grown up. It'd be cute too if it wasn't so destructive but it's never something to be taken seriously. Frankly my reaction to that text would be to laugh my ass off and think "you're cute, you silly little girl".
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response. I needed to hear that. And yeah, I'm afraid of the consequences it could take on me. It's honestly made me just want to stop eating, myself. But I know better than that. I just can't believe or wrap my mind around the fact that she said that to me. I'm truly appalled. No body has ever said anything like that to me before. And it's so outside of her character. I'm truly shocked to my core.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Listen, bulemia and anorexia are mental diseases. At the core of them is seeing fat that isn't there.
Your clothes don't lie. Your scale doesn't lie, and the doctor doesn't lie. Do not take personally the statement of a woman who would see a fat girl inside herself even though she were 80 pounds soaking wet.
Seriously, she is sick. Do not take what she said to heart. Numbers and doctors don't lie. However, you could go down a depressive spiral, causing you to be depressed about your appearance, overeat, then get more depressed, then eat some more, and then become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do some healthy things for you! If you care about your health, then start by being good to yourself! Stress and anxiety and depression and lack of sleep are worse than Krispy Kremes, so chill out and don't hurt yourself!
If you're truly worried, then step on the scale. Your clothes still fit, so you know that you didn't pork out or anything like that! If you eat healthier or start an exercise regimen, do it to feel better about yourself and be more healthy in a positive way, and NOT because you feel awful and horrible, or it won't do you any good!
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