A
male
age
41-50,
*onaldo
writes:HiI wrote a few months ago about a situation I'd found myself in with a woman I work with. We'd been out a few times and quickly realised that we both liked each other alot. She'd had a particularly rough time in her previous relationship with the father of her child. She hadn't been with him for six months and thought she was ready to move on. I was slightly apprehensive of course but just wanted to get to know her better.A couple of months have passed and being the idiot I am I let myself get too emotionally attached to her in my head, without us having a serious chat about what was really going on between us. Being around her most days has made me want her even more and there is still a spark between us.However, the last few weeks have been particularly difficult. Neither of us were brave enough to speak properly to each other, so much so that I didn't know she had decided to try and make a serious commitment to her ex by insisting they get married and try and be a proper family for their child. This hit me like a thunderbolt although I was embroiled in sorting my own emotions out and didn't see the subtle signs, like when she bacame reluctant to be alone with me outside of work.Despite finding this out from another source I couldn't be angry with her. She didn't owe me anything anyway but I wish I'd known sooner as I feel I've put my life on hold, waiting for something that in all probability was never going to happen.Yesterday however, I decided that I had to speak to her face to face, the first time we'd had a proper chat for quite some time. It was the best and worst thing I've ever done. I could tell she was genuine, there were tears but I also felt happy that we were finally talking about us with no-one else getting involved. I was shocked to know that she'd agonised for weeks over whether to make a complete emotional break from her ex to be with me. I told her that I knew I couldn't compete with the father of her child. She still loves him, despite the fact he has treated her badly so many times in the five years they've known each other. She seems quite focused on trying to make a go of things. Her family do not like him and I'm sure she'll face heartache because of this which makes me upset.Her self esteem is so low. I don't know whay I've fallen for this girl and all her emotional baggage. I can't explain it. I told her that as long as she's happy, I'm happy. What's more, I meant it, even though my heart is broken and I wish things were different.It's so good that we are talking again and I feel better than I have in a long time, yet the whole situation seem so unfair. I can't tell her as a friend that I think she's rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons. I don't want her to get hurt. I've realised that I've got to support her, even though it hurts everytime I think about it. At this moment in time I can't imagine finding anyone like her again. I hope and know I will some day but it's so hard wanting something you can't have.Thanks for putting up with me!
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her ex, I work with, move on, self esteem, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ronaldo +, writes (4 July 2007):
Ronaldo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah cheers Eddie. I tell you, six months ago I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this! I'm proud of the way I'm handling it at the moment. It's so tough, especially when others say we're made for each other and she says I'm the only person who gets her sense of humour. It's the little things like this that make it all the harder to let go but people need to carve out their own paths in life I suppose. I'm so glad I met her and we get along great although sometimes I wish I never had then I wouldn't be feeling like this. However, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Finally !!!!! Somebody who has done the right thing. I applaud you and your stance. You have taken the back seat to what you would really desire. Despite your feelings, you've given her the space to do what she feels she needs to do. This is only true because she was single when she met you. Had she still been with the guy I would feel no compassion for your side. She wasn't though and you deserve credit.
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