A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Big problem. I have a friend that has been known to get around. I just became really good friends with her about 6 months ago and things between us got closer. I started to want to just have sex with her, but then she told me that she had feelings for me. I just wanted to get with her but then I started having feelings for her. So we started to talk but then she said she wasnt sure if she liked another guy who she had kissed at a baseball game. I blew up on her, but she really was sorry. She then went to a party, got drunk and had sex with another guy. She is becoming a whore and I care about her too much to let her do this to herself. I havent talked to her in two weeks and I really dont want to but I feel I need to in order to help her and try to keep her away from that lifestyle. What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Wow i just had the greatest ephiphony, if thats how you spell it. But um, yeah thanks alot guys for all the advice. Im so grateful bc i just realized the biggest situation im in, im actually talking to a girl like this but shes not that bad. She doesnt sleep around but she likes the attention from guys. But good thing im the weird white knight, who should be her last.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): i reckon she likes you, but is afraid (because a guy genuinly likes her, not just her vagina for once) so she gets around to try put you off, but really she wants you to fight for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): The point remains the same OP, there is nothing you can do for her. She's going to do this regardless of how you feel, it's just either the way she is or she's just that insecure that she's using the attention she gets from guys by acting this way to make herself feel good about herself.
There is nothing you can do because put simply she's going to keep doing this and you don't want to make her feel bad by judging her or trying to "fix her".
You can't live peoples lives for them OP. Just know that by not joining in you're not making the problem worse, that's the best you can do really, is not be one of those guys. That puts you above the rest and it means you made a stand and a choice to respect her and not use her.
As for liking her you're screwed because girls like her are not datable at all. They're a nightmare to get with because they need constant male attention and will do anything to get that.
I've known quite a few girls like her and while Chigirl does have a point that women get just as horny as us and are perfectly entitled to get theirs if they want to, we both know that girls like that are viewed very negatively by guys and other girls too, they're the ones least likely to find what they seek because no guy is going to respect a girl nor find anything special in her because she doesn't see that in herself and especially if she just goes around having sex with douchebags. In that sense I can see why you want to help her because she really is just setting herself up with a reputation for being nothing more than a "slut". Harsh but true. It's a very bad reputation too because it really is a trap, guys don't want to get emotionally involved with her because they can't trust her, so that limits her options to only really having guys that only want her for sex and she'll give it because if she doesn't then she'll lose all that attention.
The issue here OP is she has to learn those lessons herself, this may well be a phase but it's going to bite her on the ass.
Again while in the perfect world Chigirl would be right that in this modern age women who sleep around shouldn't be considered sluts, unfortunately the world hasn't caught up with that concept yet and girls that do, are viewed that way. Like you said girls like that are just not datable because they flirt too much, they give too much to guys who have done nothing to deserve it and it's hard to feel special about a person that doesn't feel special about themselves.
You can't fix her because technically she's not broken, you know the consequences of what she's doing is not going to do her any favours but this may well be a phase and she may well grow out of it. Until then just chill and let her get on with it, take a step back because you like her too much and you're just going to get hurt. She's not relationship material.
Don't call her a whore again though, don't call her a slut or anything like that. The least you can do is be the person who accepts who she is and doesn't judge her for what she's doing and how she chooses to live her life. I feel sorry for girls like that because they really have no clue that they really are destroying their future chances at successful long lasting relationships (assuming they ever want that of course). There seems to be this idea that just because the world should be a certain way that it actually is that way. She'll learn that's not the case, that while we guys want girls like her for meaningless hook ups, only the weird white knights who want to fix her are the ones that will try for a long term thing with her and that's the last guy any girl should date.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (16 July 2011):
 First of all, don't do anything because you can't. You haven't been in her life that long, and you're a small part of it. You would never have as much influence on her as an adult family member of hers would. Secondly, don't call her a whore. She's your friend and that's her lifestyle whether you like it or not. And why do you say you want to help her when you wanted to sleep with her also? Don't become a part of the problem. Get over yourself and let yourself be one of the guys she hasn't slept with. She's your friend and friends are always there for each other. So be her friend, support her, and don't talk about this part of her life with her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Help yourself as well while you're at it. A girl can be just as horny as a guy, and you were willing to "get with her" without even knowing her, which makes you a whore as well. Just for the record. You can't clean on someone else's doorstep when you've got dirt on your own. Clean your own reputation first before you begin with her.
If you call yourself a friend then you need to know that friends do NOT want to have sex. If you still want to sleep with her you do not have the right to call yourself her friend. You only wanted sex from her after all, how is that any different from what she does (which is getting sex with random strangers).
I say let her work out her own issues while you work on yours and stop trying to sell yourself short and sleep around. Men can be sluts as well, the world is growing modern. Guys can be sluts like any girl, and they get called man-whores as well. So don't just try to get with anyone or else you will get a stamp on your forehead as well that says "easy slut". I suggest you try to avoid getting that label before it is too late.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 The girl of the story is not asking the question. The guy is. So, I still say tell your parents. This girl is drinking and making bad choices. The best thing you can do for her is tell an adult who might be able to help.
If you truly are worried about her choices, and her well-being, tell an adult who can alert her parents to the situation. Getting drunk at 13-15 leads to bad things, as at that age, judgment and maturity haven't yet fully developed.
Tell a grown up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): The other advisors here are having so much fun bashing a guy for hypocrisy that they are forgetting to take a look at this situation for what it is. 1. There is a difference between sleeping with someone after being friends with them for a few months versus getting drunk and doing it with a total stranger at a baseball game.2. If it was the girl asking the question on Dearcupid then the same people would probably be telling her that she needs to stop doing this stuff and it's preferable not to even have sex at this age. 3. She might also be advised to think about getting involved with her other guy friend she has known for a few months and seems to care about her in more than just a sexual way. That other guy would be the O.P. of this question that is getting bashed right now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): oh no you guys have this all wrong. she still wanted to date even though she liked another guy. she still wants to have sex but I dont want to because I realized I would be doing the same thing as anyone else. The thing is is that I CAN STILL HAVE SEX WITH HER im not angry about that. just dont want her becoming a whore thats y im not one night standin it. another reason i dont wanna date is the fact that she flirts non stop and hooks up with guys so relationships arent really her thing. how do i tell her that i realized just fucking is wrong?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 July 2011):
 How old are you? 13-15? You just wanted sex from her to start with, and you didn't want her feelings complicating that fact. You're mad because she didn't have sex with you. How does that make her a whore?
That is a really terrible thing to call a girl, do you know that? Who taught you to do that? And if you're out there running after sex, wouldn't that make you a whore?
You played around with this girl. She had feelings and you only wanted sex. Because she didn't want just that, you then started having feelings. By this time, she had moved on. You are in no position to try and "save" her, because you're just wanting sex from her. That's like the fox trying to save the chicken from the coyote. You want her, and you wish you were the one she had sex with.
So drop the name calling and mind your own business. You lost her because of your skirt chasing ways. However, you're young and I hope there is still hope in your maturity.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2011):
There's a saying that may apply here: A whore is someone who will sleep with everyone but you.
Calling someone a "whore" is a way of putting someone down and making you feel better, as a rule.
Have you considered that your own choices and behavior don't say much about your "lifestyle"? That the guys that get with her are basically the male counterparts of the word "whore"?
I think the only thing that you can do is tell her that you're sorry things didn't work out between you and move on. She's entitled to make her own mistakes. If you're really concerned about it, talk to your parents and let them know what happened. Your parents were your age once too and remember more than you realize about how things are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): You do nothing OP, because you're being a complete hypocrite and if I'm honest I think you're just jealous because you wanted to sleep with her too at the start but now someone else got that.
It's none of your business what she does with her sex life, she's not committed to you and she's most likely not going to either because it sounds like you're well and truly in the friendzone.
Frankly OP, you're not exactly a good friend either calling her a whore when she only did what you tried to get her to do with you. So you were fine with her being a "whore" when it was you wanting to sleep with her but now that another guy got that action instead of you, you become bitter and start calling her a whore? After one guy?
Grow up OP, you had your chance and you did nothing about it. Don't try and hide behind the guise now of being a concerned friend because you have your own motives here and they stink of jealousy and nothing more.
Let's get one thing straight here "try to keep her away from that lifestyle" one person does not make a lifestyle and you were perfectly willing to introduce her to that lifestyle yourself weren't you? Yeah, so either be a good friend and let her live her life without you judging her based on your jealousy or walk the hell away and spare her the emotional turmoil.
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