A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi my name is steve please help me get my girl backmy story starts with my friend she was lonely i was lonely so we started spending a lot of time alone then she asked me if she could put her head on my sholder i sead ok then i cought her gazing at me then she kissed me wow i mean realy kissed at least 5 min so we talked then we agreed it felt right so we started dating i went to work yesterday we talked about getting together Saturday catch a movie, go shopping etc etc then i called from work she told me i talked with my frends she said maybe friends should not date but we get along so well it feels so right ps earler we talked about marrage and about maybe building a house she seemed so happy plesae help me i need her i thought about sendig flowers but i thing it might take more then that i think she is scared her last boyfrien was a mean drunk who yelled a lot but he dont want her he moved to hondurs but she still misses him please email me at [email blocked] thanks steve
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female
reader, pinksuze  +, writes (4 March 2008):
She sounds very confused. For a start, she's come out of an abusive relationship and she needs to find herself and work on getting her self-esteem back - abusive relationships always take away your self-esteem and that's why she believes she's still pining for this other man. If she thought about it rationally she'd realise that she doesn't want to be with him because nobody wants to be with somebody who gets drunk and yells at you. And the fact that she listened to her friend rather than follow her heart seems to bear out that her self esteem is very low at the moment.
I think you need to be very gentle with her and don't push her into anything. She needs time to work out how she feels and what she wants to do. If she really wants to be with you then she'll still want to be with you when she's worked her way through what she needs to work her way through. If you are that keen on her I'm sure that you'll want what's best for her. Be supportive, invite her out anyway with no strings attached and you'll soon know if anything is going to come of it. It sounds as though she needs a friend at the moment and you're already a friend so that's a really good start. Give her time, let her know how you feel but make her understand that you're willing to wait for her to sort herself out. You need, however, to be prepared for the eventuality that she simply wants to be your friend and really isn't interested in anything else but was just carried away by the moment when you kissed. If that's the case there really is nothing you can do, you can't make somebody love you. I hope that's not the case. Good luck :o)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Perhaps she feels that she shouldn't have come on to you? If you want to send flowers, then do it. I think she has taken a breather to see what effort you will put in so flowers might make all the difference. Try talking to her, ask he to make her own choices and not listen to what friends say. This just sounds like 2 people that are worried about getting hurt. Go and be happy. x
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