A
male
age
36-40,
*agkk
writes:I'm 22 and in my first year at University studying Fine Art. My best friend is a girl called 'Sally'. We hit it off from the start of term (September 2008). She is in a relationship with this guy who lives somewhere else in England. She is European and so is he. They have been a unit for five - nearly six years. When I said 'hit it off' i mean we get on really well (share a lot in common and love doing the same things and are becoming telepathic! (jokingly) and one night we kissed (she kissed me). We have been kissing since and been showing physical affection. (no sex) this is something we have spoken about too - she said 'as long as i am with someone I won't be having sex with you'- which is good because that is at least some level of loyalty to her bf. i think.. and 'is frequent kissing and sharing of emotions and beds without sex still cheating?' We have spoken about the situation a lot. She has described her relationship with her boyfriend as 'frozen' because they have never actually lived together so she doesn't know if she would or would not enjoy living with him. She has said that she can't - won't break with him at the moment because she wants to see if she will be happy living with him which she said won't be possible till she has finished her degree. - which suggest that she doesn't want to finish with him now, in case her and I don't work out, and then she wouldn't be able to go back to him.She also said that it took her bf a while to accept that she does her thing and that it is ok for her to go see guy friends (as friends). this she feels took time and effort to accomplish and doesn't want to see it go to waste.I am besotted with her. we used to spend 14-hours a day with each other, because we study the same subject, live in the same accommodation and work in the same shop. now we are both unemployed searching for new jobs. so we see less of each other. She said that she is trying to spend less time with me because she needs 'sally time' - which is ok because we all need our own time. I am trying to give her some space as I don't want to be obsessive. We exchanged valentines gifts too. she gave a metal plate that she had etched into, cd and a book.I would love it if she was to make up her mind about me or her bf. we are living with two of our friends next year too. this is a plan that we both decided on which is to see if we like living with each other. if we don't like living with each other than at least we know. If she does like living with me, then she said she will have to think about things again, - so it is an extreme plan i think. 'how should I play it next year, living with my best friend who I adore so much?''what can I do now to help her make a decision?' She's told me that I don't have to try hard or at all, just be myself cos that is what she likes.At the moment we see less of each other but still end up kissing sometimes. It kills me knowing that she will just be going back to her bf, after spending time with me. "how can she be doing this so calmy?' 'will she ever make up her mind?' it could be too late. I want her to give us a chance but I can't see that happening anytime soon. Please help me here- 'she in my head and I want to chill and maybe look else where' but i really don't want to. megkk
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male
reader, Johnnyboy03  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 You have totally given her all the power. Yes, she is cheating on her boyfriend, and you are the other guy. You are allowing it to happen. It doesn't seem like you are cool being the "other guy," though. You want more out of it, but that's not going to happen. You are giving her way to much wiggle room. She is able to have you when she wants you as a back up plan, and her boyfriend at the same time.
Your best bet is to just drop it. Go out, meet someone else. If she gets jealous, tell her you are tired of being the other man. Stop being so "understanding." there is a time for that, and a time to stand up for yourself.
This is really your only option unless you want to continue being the other guy, and always at her beck and call till she decides to go back with her boyfriend full time.
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