A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:here’s how it goes. I work for a company that deals in computers, I enjoy what I do and have made friends from it. the job is okay, nothing special about it, a jobs a job as they say. I found out a work colleague is leaving the company after many years and I was disappointed about this, as we have become really good friends. since she’s left and gone onto other things I’ve started to miss her and our chats. I’m not in love with her and don’t have a girlfriend, but I do value our friendship. I recently messaged her to see how she was getting on with her new job and how things were in regards to her. I was disappointed she didn’t reply to me, the message I sent wasn’t that long, but still it kind of hurts she hasn’t replied. it says she read the message, but I know she won’t get back to me. as I’ve been let down before by certain people who have made promises to me. I can’t believe it’s come to this, and I’m starting to blame and doubt myself. I’m worried I’ve said something wrong or acted in a way, she hasn’t liked, but she has never said anything to me, about anything or given any hints or clues. what should I do about this situation and should I unfriend her on facebook?help please
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2022): P.S.
When we are forced to spend eight hours of your day with people, we have to make the best of it. We share the same space; because we work for the same employer. We spend hours in the company of people we probably wouldn't voluntarily befriend, if we met them randomly outside the workplace.
Reading all the very insightful posts others have sent, the general consensus is to chillout, and not take this so seriously. If she never responded to your message, take that as a polite way of letting you know that she's not interested in contact beyond the confounds of where she used to work. She's not interested in any connection beyond that.
You seem to feel she is obligated to get back to you, or she is letting you down. Not so, if she was only being friendly and polite; because it is the professional and civil way you should behave when you're on the job. No other behavior is acceptable when you have to follow company guidelines of conduct and behavior on the job. Stuck in the same place for the same number hours, you'll do your best to get along with others. You must adapt to your environment. You are evaluated on your performance reviews on how you get along with your co-workers; and personality plays a key part in how you interact with others. On that, she must have gotten high ratings.
Maybe your next post will claim she finally did respond, for the sake of proving all our advice incorrect; as posters often do. If she does, the fact remains that her response was delayed; regardless of whatever reason(s) given. Any response only indicates the message was received; but the timeframe between the sending of the message and the reply indicates how receptive the receiver was of the message. It is polite to explain your delay; but if you never receive a response, no offense should be taken. Just don't bother attempting further contact.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 January 2022):
 I think that you are reading to much into this, there are many reasons why she may not have responded.
Maybe she just appeared really friendly at work, but in her eyes you were just to colleagues that walked around on the same bit of carpet for 8 hours a day.
Maybe she thought you wanted more from her than just friends, and she might have a boyfriend, fiance, etc.
I think that we could go into lots of reasons why, but at the end of the day you have sent a message to her, she has read the message, and for what ever reason she has decided not to reply.
My advice would be to refrain from sending anymore messages to her, forget it and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2022): How long has it been since you sent the message? You still might hear from her! I remember a few years ago I sent an email to an acquaintance and she took about 3 months to reply.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2022): The older you get, the more you realize that you simply matter less and less.What do you do?Send messages fully aware that rare are the people who respond to messages.Then again, there are still exceptions. There's those kinds of guys that are just magnetic. They'd announce their participation to some kind of podcast on technology, about AI, bitcoin, and what not... and the ladies are just lining up to comment back on his Facebook newsfeed/story about their excitation to catch the event! About, I.T !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2022): People have lives and can get overwhelmed. Not everyone can keep up the pace with these modern ways of communicating.
Personally, I find it really draining and I'm NOT on FB, Instagram... but I use texts and apps like Viber and FaceTime.
What kind of promises has this women made? You were coworkers and got along well? That's not a sign of friendship. It's cold being polite.
Frankly, you getting worked up about a thing like this shows that you obsesses over things and blow them out of proportion.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2022): Don't worry about this girl op. You sent a message if she replys awesome if she doesn't don't worry about it. I've got some friends that don't check Facebook for weeks to years. Guess what they never reply but when we see each other we hangout like we never missed a beat. Don't think about this like this. Send a message to someone else.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2022): Let's get down to the reality of this. You did not message her to find out if she is ok, you messaged her because you miss her and very much want to stay in touch and still be friends. This does not mean that there is anything wrong with it, but stop pretending it was to see she is ok. AND remember she has to want the same thing. A lot of people are friendly and chatty at work, at bus stops, when waiting in a queue, where they are thrown together with you for a while and it is the best way they can use that time. That is very different to choosing to stay in touch later or choosing to give you some of their valuable free time they can give to other things and other people. She was only a work mate, you are expecting far too much from that. You are coming across as very intense and serious about all this, if she has picked that up it would put her off of getting back to you.
You talk about other people "letting you down" like this in the past. Perhaps that was why. Because you get far too keen and attached and needy with them. It puts them off. And, they owe you nothing anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2022): messaged her about a week or so ago.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2022): Sometimes when people leave a job, they leave everything connected to it. It might include their work-friends as well.
I wouldn't fret over this or overthink the situation; because you're not a mind-reader, and all anxiety does is create wild scenarios and what-ifs.
You don't know what's happening in her personal-life, and there may be some unknown things about why she left the job. She doesn't have to send an immediate reply; because she may not have been as invested in the friendship as you are. People can be extremely friendly and chatty; but feel no real connection to you. They simply like you as a person, and enjoy conversation; but nothing much beyond that.
Let it go, put it out of your mind; and if she wishes to continue contact, she will let you know in due time. If you were mainly friends at work, a delayed-response doesn't necessarily mean you've done anything wrong. Maybe it's just to let you know she has moved-on with her life; and doesn't wish to maintain past connections. Leaving sometimes means severing all ties.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 January 2022):
 How "recently" did you message her? If it was in the last couple of weeks, then you need to cut her some slack. It is the holiday period and people's lives are usually busy and disorganized during that period.
I have lost count of the number of times I have read a message from someone (even close friends) while I have been in the middle of something, thought to myself that I would reply later, and then completely forgotten about it. It is not a reflection of the person from whom I received the message but of MY memory and busy life. My eventual response always starts with "apologies for the delay in responding".
I'm a little puzzled by the part of your post which states "I know she won’t get back to me. as I’ve been let down before by certain people who have made promises to me". First of all, she is not the "certain people" who you feel have let you down. Secondly, how do you KNOW she won't get back to you?
Chill and stop overthinking this. Unfriending her seems a bit extreme but it is you call, if that is what you want to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2022):
 She might have a BF/fiance/husband so a message from a male coworker might not feel OK to reply to for her.
Or she is leaving the past in the past when it comes to work and former coworkers. Some people do that. Doesn't mean you did anything "wrong".
Or she isn't checking her messages. It has been the holidays after all.
This isn't about you. She moved on with a new job. It was nice of you to check in with her and see how she is getting on. BUT, she doesn't OWE you a reply. It would be nice but not required.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Perhaps you thought you were getting to be really good friends, maybe she thought you were just really good coworkers only.
If you want to block/unfriend her I'd say give it two more weeks then do it.
...............................
|
