A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and unclesMy husband goes out with his buddies until 5 or 6 am and feels I have a problem by mentioning it. It disturbs me a married man behaving this way. Most of his friends are younger and single. Don't I have the right to bring up something that I feel is inappropriate?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 January 2022):
 This would be a total deal-breaker for me, personally.
Was he like this before marriage? And you didn't see it? Or thought it would change once married? Did you two ever discuss socializing separately and together?
I think if this makes you unhappy, you should bring it up.
Do I think the issue is that his friends are single? No. That they are younger? No. I think the issue is HIM and his attitude where he thinks he should still LIVE like a single guy going out and staying out late a lot.
I mean what is the point in being married and living together if you don't spend time together?
Is he helping out at home? Do you two spend time together occasionally? Do you share things in common?
Talk to him. Find a compromise, that is what marriage is about too.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2022): I totally agree with you that that is odd behavior for a married man.
Many successful marriages involve compromise. If you want to stay with him, maybe you two can compromise on this issue, like he only gets to do it once a month but you won't complain?
He sounds kind of immature to me.
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A
male
reader, westbourne383  +, writes (2 January 2022):
"Two can play at that game" may work in a Lifetime movie of the week, or a Hallmark movie, but not in real life.
Don't try behaving that way; be reasonable about it, and just ask why he's doing so.
I probably wouldn't do this in a committed relationship. It's OK to have different groups of friends, but at the same time, it's right to be concerned.
He wouldn't like it if you did this sort of thing regularly, but you will need to discuss the issue with him, in a way that's not accusatory or insulting, and not set up to blame him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2022): You have the right to bring up anything you don’t like in a relationship. The whole point of a relationship is you have to take someone else’s feelings and preferences into account and compromise.
Ask him what is important to him. He can’t have his cale and eat it too. He needs to brainstorm with you and arrive at something that works for the two of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2022): How long have you been married? He seems to think he's still single. I'd say he has no respect for you, and feels you are powerless and can't do anything about it.
There's no problem with going out with his friends; but coming in the next morning as the sun comes-up is a big problem. That's how you get into trouble. Either you're drunk and end-up in a tangle with the law; or you get yourself into sticky situations that jeopardize your marriage.
If he's so immature that his buddies can persuade him to pretend he's not married; maybe you should start seeing a lawyer and determine how to make it so.
It takes two to be married, one can't do it all alone. You must have had a whirlwind-romance, or pushed him real hard to get married. Seems he's not convinced that ritual you did exchanging vows and such makes him a married-man. Be that the case, you will never feel you have a husband; but a roommate, who's out all night.
You shouldn't force him to be married, if he doesn't want to be. If he is the same age as you, or older; he should be settled-down by now. Partying 'til sun-up like a frat-boy means he and his friends are up to no-good. Whatever they're doing, takes all night long. If he hangs that tough with single-guys, he's also doing what single-guys do.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 January 2022):
 How often does he do this? Is it an occasional occurrence, say for a special occasion, or a regular event? If the former, then I would advise cutting him some slack. He will want to stay out with his friends occasionally. If the latter, then that is a different scenario.
What do you do when he goes out? I would advise going out yourself on the nights he goes out - and staying out as late as you like. After all, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Perhaps then he will realize why his behaviour is upsetting you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2022): You have various choices.
Nag him to stop doing it, it will work. He wants the best of both worlds. His friends to go out with and you for sx and all the rest. He knows he has you where he wants you now no matter how much you moan and the more you moan the more he will want to go out.
Do the same. Go out wherever you want without asking him etc first. Does not mean you have to be out till very late or go to the same places.
Get a divorce.
Those are your three choices.
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