A
male
age
36-40,
*arath
writes:I met my current g/f at my very first job about 4-5 years ago. At the time, she was dating one of my friends for a little while. They broke up after a year and a half roughly, and I didn't really talk to her much afterwards. About 2 1/2 months ago, I saw her on myspace so sent her a msg telling her that we should hang out. Well we hung out a few times, she's really fun to be around and we had a lot of fun. It was just so easy to be happy around her.Well things got escalated, and we started getting close, but without the "title". We both talked about it, and just got out of relationships and weren't looking for the title or the things it brings. We hung out a lot and just got closer and closer, and we are very close to each other now. I asked her if she wanted to date a couple of weeks ago, she agreed and we both agreed that we wanted each other in our lives.Well, a huge problem with me, is that I'm very insecure and clingy/jealous type. I really hate that I'm this way and even right now I'm trying my best to change what's best for me in the long run. Regardless of anyone else, I want to change this about myself. She hasn't gave me a reason NOT to trust her, and I haven't gave her any, but it's very hard for me to trust people in general. Well we talked last week about us hanging out so much, and I agreed that we did hang out a bit too much, she wasn't getting any times for her friends, and I had been neglecting mine. So we decided just to hang out a few times a week when our schedules allowed. It's very hard for me to do this, like I said, I'm the very clingy type, and I hate it, but that's how I am. I basically went from seeing her 5-6 times a week, to once this week.We had made plans last night [Friday] to hang out, and she went to go hang out with her friends, and just blew me off the entire night. I talked to her this morning and she had told me, that neither of us were looking for a b/f / g/f in the past, and she wasn't wanting a serious relationship. That she knew herself and she would just push me away and hurt me in the end. I told her that I would back off and we could make this as non-serious as we could. Any advice as to what I should be doing to not be as clingy or as serious? I'd really appreciate any responses. Sorry for the short story, lol.
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male
reader, Sarath +, writes (31 August 2008):
Sarath is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Got through a lengthy conversation with her about everything. She just needs time to find herself and what she wants. I dunno.. I'm going crazy or something, but I'll do ANYTHING for her, and will forgive her for anything. So I'm giving her time to get everything together, and just let her know that I'm here for her when she needs me. She's made me the happiest person on the planet, and I know that probably sounds cliche but, I've never meant anything like I've meant this before. She literally means the world to me. I don't mind waiting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Give her her space, If she is truly yours she will come back.Don't make the mistakes that I have. Give her what she needs. In time it will serve you both well. If she comes back to you all is great. Try to respect her needs, even if you don't understand them. She will have appreciated it in the end. If not you have given yourself space as well to let her make her choices and for your heart to do some healing. "Ladies this goes for you as well"
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