A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have a problem that I want to try and sort out...Me and My Cousin moved away from each other about 9yrs ago...she was about 20 then and I was 13, Now when were younger...we had casual sex alot..we didn't plan it to be like this..but It went on...nobody got hurt..but I finally made contact with her again today and we have been talking about loads of things now...Anyway she's now 30 and I'm 20...we have always been close..and have had a good time in each others company, she is now with her partner and has 2 Children..but I had to ask about what happened between us a few years previous..and she said I'm scared you will go telling somebody about it, So I said no I won't because your'e too important to me, which she is. Anyways we were talking about the times when we had sex quite often and made a remark via text message saying "why don't you have me then?" so I said wha do u mean sex or something else..no sex, because You bought this up and now I don't know how I feel.Has anyone ever been in this situation?? because I don't know what I should do about it.Any help would be grateful :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): i dont get it. there were 7 years difference and now theres 10?
but still, your cousin?
i can kind of understand when your 13 and experimenting and you feel comfortable with her but now your a lot older and should know better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): If she sent you a message asking "why don't you have me, then?" that was an invitation for you to have sex with her. So I say give her what she wants. She may not be happy with her partner. And she would not have sent you that message if she wasn't interested in having sex with you. So I say ask her out and resume the sexual relationshp you had with her. Post back here to let us know what you decided to do and if you start having sex with her again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): It is quite simple. She has a partner and children so she's unavailable. The fact that you're cousins or had sex in the past is irrelevant. If she is worried about you telling some one assure her that you won't, but really there isn't much gain to talk about when you used to have sex as that will just bring back feelings and emotions that you've both moved on from.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Try this site:
http://cousincouples.com/
And it's message board:
http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/
It'll help.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 August 2008):
 Obviously the relationship with your cousin at 13 was quite improper, but that's water over the dam at this point, and there's no use dredging it up except as it relates to what's going on with either or both of you now.
If I understand this correctly, your cousin is offering to get back into the sexual relationship with you in spite of the fact that she is in a relationship and has two children? That sounds like a rather risky idea to me. Unless you are proposing that you step in and take over as her partner (which I don't hear you saying, on either of your parts), an affair "for old time's sake" would probably do more harm than good to both of you.
It would seem to me that your cousin is really insecure about your past relationship and is looking for some strong reassurance that you are not going to be talking about it. The last thing she wants is for it to come back to haunt her now. At some level she seems to think that by renewing the relationship on a physical level at this point she can tie you to her and get the reassurance she is looking for. But she's almost certainly mistaken in that belief. In the end, such an affair would only make her feel more insecure.
I don't pretend to have direct experience with this sort of situation. I doubt that many people do ... this sort of thing rarely arises. Face it ... not a lot of 13 year old boys carry on with their 20 year old cousins in the first place, and even fewer get messages like that from them later in life.
But the truth is the two of you are adults. Talk to her and se what she's up to. Try to reassure her that you value her greatly and that you hold fond memories of your time together, but that it's an experience that you do not feel a real need to repeat, and that you do not want to come between her and the family that she has established for herself. Do everything you can to make her understand that the secret is just between the two of you and that it will stay there forever.
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