A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here is my problem. I met my current girlfriend more than a year ago here in Los Angeles, CA. We were together since then. I've been in two relationships before, but I'm her first boyfriend. Four months ago, she had to move because her parents wanted to move to Michigan. However, just before she left, I asked her if we both could promise to each other not to break up with each other because I am planning to move out by the end of this year or by the beginning of next year to where she lives at. However, about four weeks ago, our relationship got really strained mainly because we started fighting since we do not talk as much, and therefore, its affected our relationship. Whats more, three weeks ago, she met this guy and they both like each other and she told me about it one week later about it. Naturally, I got sad and annoyed because now she likes him and she wants to be with him. However, she cannot decide whether she wants to be with me still or just go off with him. This caused her to start thinking that she still does not know what she is looking for because I'm the only guy she's been with and that I do know what I'm looking for because I've already been in two relationships already and logically she has become very upset about it. She thinks now that in order for her to know what she wants is to break up with me and go off with the other guy and then maybe she'll figure out what she wants in her life, and once I move out, to come back with me. When she told me that, Obviously I became very hurt. I've cried almost every night because of the thought that she would break up with me soon enough. I reminded her of the promise that she made me but she still keeps thinking this way. I've offered her any option to fix our relationship because of the many fights that we've had almost everyday, and I wanted to fix that up because I do now want to lose her because I know what I'm going to lose if she breaks up with me. I told her all this but she still feels that way, that she wants to find out what she wants.One option that I gave her is to do a compromise between us. This compromise consisted for her to stop hanging out with him less because of the obvious reason that they both like each other, and of me to give her more space with her friends. However, she says that he is her friend and therefore she'll still hang out with him but I point her out that the main reason why she does not want to do that is because she just wants to be with him and she honestly agreed on that.I told her that if she breaks up with me, I wouldn't give her another chance with me because I told her that i would not like her to think like, "He is going to take me back anyways, so I don't have to worry about that. Therefore, I'll just go off with the other guy and once my boyfriend moves here, I'll come back with him." Another reason why I don't want to give her another chance with me, is because my logic thinking are there: "If she wants to come back with me, it's because she still loves me. However, if she still loves me, then why did she break up with me in the first place?"My question is this: What can I do to save my relationship with her not that she is thinking that way and with that guy around her? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 There is not much you can do except be a decent guy and give her the space she wants. She's trying to inform you, politely, that she is interested in dating others. I give her credit for that. She could do it behind your back and you'd never know.
She is young and experiencing new things. That is how she sees it. The distance must be really frustrating for you too. It makes yo feel helpless and you can't even fight for her. Only time will tell how this plays out. She has made her point though.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (17 September 2007):
Ever regaining your position as her bf is a long shot. I think as soon as you are out of sight she has a roving eye. That is not how a normal girl in love acts. If I were you I would waste no more energy on her. Find a new girl in LA.
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