A
male
age
41-50,
*6000
writes:Ok, from the start......I'm a 27 year old guy, and have been seeing a wonderful woman for 3 years, who i met in a random bar in a huge city, and when we started talking we found we were virtually identical; same interests, thoughts, humour, the works, and, unbelievably, depsite being thousands of miles from home, lived less than 20 miles apart - it seemed like fate.Three years went by, uneventfully - neither of us wants marriage or kids, so we just carried on regardless. Yet somewhere along the way it became routine, and i became closer to a girl i work with, we'd always been friends, she had a long term (ten year) boyfriend. After work drinks became the norm, and when she broke up with her boyfriend i found myself desperate to be with her, and, at both of our doing, we began a 'fling'. Eventually, things with my girlfriend reached a head - frustration, boredom, on my part guilt, and we decided on some time apart, with a view to a permanent split. Yet once she was gone, i began to see what i was losing. We kept in touch, and even though i was spending a lot of time with my work girl, i found myself missing my girlfriend terribly, despite the company of another woman. Now i'm in a pickle - both girls have said that they LOVE me, and want to be with me - and i'm damned if i can choose. I have really strong feelings for them both, and they each have qualities that are polar ends apart from the other - work girl being sexy, energetic, boisterous; my girlfirend dowdy, yet settled, reassuring and reliable. I find muself swinging from one decision to another, and the thought of either of them with someone else kills me. So what now? Hopefully, that's where some of you can help.... thanks in advance..... ;0)
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broke up, I work with, swinging Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): When you are in a relationship you will always be tempted. Everyone is. The trick is not to fall into the trap of getting emotionally close to someone else because it can develop into something which threatens the stability of the main relationship. On the up-side, you and your ex had not committed to each other. Pehaps you were meant to go through this to help you grow up. I would say that if it had helped you make a decision, but it has not. I don't think you should see either of them, but it depends on how weak you are as a character. Are you weak and prone to flattery or strong and decisive? Provocative questions.
You probably need to cut out for a while and think longer. I hope that the one you really want does not find someone else soon, but that does happen so be prepared for it. If it was so wasy for you to find very special people I am sure you will find others. Most of us feel really lucky if we find one!
Perhaps you are in love with the adoration really, I think I was like you years ago. I lost my first true love 30 years ago because my vanity was flattered by a very ardent other boy who I didn't really like. I mourned my lost love for years afterwards. Heyho, I was only 15, you are a bit older than that. Hope you find your sanity and behave with honour.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Phew! This is a hard one. I do believe that it is possible to be in love with two people, each in their own way. It is just bloody hard when you feel you have to choose. What sort of relationship is it that you are looking for at the end of the day? Do you want to make a serious commitment right now? Do you think it is a good idea to make a serious commitment when there are so many doubts?
Maybe try this. Be completely honest with these girls about your position and reassure then how much you care about them and what your fears are. Also realise that this means that at the moment you can't really expect exclusivity from them either. Maybe realise that all these decisions might not be up to you, when you are open and honest with them. Maybe one will accept you and the position and maybe one will kick you up your backside. At the end of the day it is best to love the one that will love you for who you truelly are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): i think u should pick whos better i know its hard for me i dont like a girl who has been used u know wat i mean and c if your old gf was cheating on u well good luck buddy
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