A
male
age
51-59,
*eterd
writes:i met a lady through online dating and we hit it off went out on roughly 4 dates and she indicated she was interested in me. She then rang and told me that her old boyfreind had contacted her and she was going to try again with him. this rather upset me and in an email I told her that i felt she was confused and did not know what she wanted and felt that she had wasted my time and should never have gone on inter net dating if she felt this way about this guy, i said i felt used.My comments upset her immensely.Any way it did not last a week with this guy but now this lady said she did not want to see me or have any further contact.I then received a text out of the blue saying hi and hope i enjoy my up coming vacation which i felt was strange as she said she wanted no further contact.I bumped her in a cafe recently and we talked and she said she did not want to date me but wanted to be freinds only. i asked her why and she said that my email really hurt her and she felt i was too intense. I told her that i really wanted us to get to know each other more and see where that takes us, we have arranged to meet socially next week but she has made it clear she does not want to date me. Should i drop the whole thing or persevere and if so what tact should i take. she seems pretty confused. we get on really well and are so comfortable in each others company.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Arrggg its so annoying that people tend to join dating sites as soon as they split from someone possibly in an attempt to replace the ex. But they haven't actually sorted things yet, and its all too common they get back with them. Whats the point? Annoys the hell out of me that does.
Anyway, if you get on well with this girl and can do the friends thing? Its not like you were actually seeing each other long, then why not just stay mates and hang out when yo have free time, and who knows where it might lead?
C xxxx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 August 2008):
You can't control feelings for an ex sometimes and she was very upfront and told you straight away that she was sorry but had to give this a chance.
Your email did sound hurtful: after only 4 dates, telling someone how they should feel and what they should and should not be doing is going to sound very angry and intense, even if you did do it out of hurt and anger at the time.
She is being friends with you because she probably did like you as a person while you were dating, and she feels bad for hurting you and is trying to make it up to you by being your friend. It's never nice to know there is someone out there who you hurt and who has bad feelings for you.
However I think your email has shown her a side of you that she does not want to see again and that is why she's being clear from the start that there will be no dating, just friendship.
I really don't think you have a chance of getting her to date you again.
I think you should head back to your dating site and try again but don't get so invested in someone so soon, take it slowly with your feelings. Plus you now have a female friend to help you out with advice on your next girlfriend, and that can only be a good thing.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
