A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend has a lot of issues that have always messed with me to a certain degree. I basically know nothing about her personal life ( we have been with each other only for about 4 months), besides the two of us. I know a friend's name, her job, and the town she lives in and thats it. But we talked about that and it was ok with me. One thing that bothered me was that she didn't believe me that I loved her, and it eventually built up where I had to tell her that it hurt me because I was getting depressed about it. I didn't do it in a confrontational way I just asked why she thinks that. It turned into a small fight at first but then she kind of put a guilt trip on me, and said shes so sorry, and because she doesn't want to hurt me its over. Nothing really about working it out, or even telling me why. I accepted it, and she texted me 2 hours later saying sorry again. I said it was ok and I want to work it out, but then she went quiet again. I just texted her asking if shes ok, but I am not even sure if I should. Should I keep trying to talk to her so we can kind of finalize things one way or the other, or should I prepare myself to move on and let her talk to me if she wants to? I know she is upset and hurt too, and I do want her to feel better and be happy. But at the same time I think this is one of those things that I can't fix for her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Hi
I definitely think you should talk to her, it can't hurt in my opinion. It sounds like your gf either has some complicated issues or has something to hide, but if you really care for her then it's got to be worth trying to sort it out. But it might be a good time to start setting some boundaries if you can: if you are prepared to move on then so much the better, not because I'm saying you'll have to, but because if she knows you're serious about getting to know her, and not prepared to tolerate not knowing anything about her, she may realise that there's got to be a bit of give as well as take to any relationship, and if she's not prepared to give anything away at all after you explain why you need something from her, maybe it is time to take stock and think 'is this what I really want'? (I know this is a lot easier to say than to actually do, believe me I've been there too many times myself, but it's got to be worth a try, hasn't it?)
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