A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,My problem is difficult. I've been working in a crap, deadend job for 7 soul distroying months now (yes i would and have tried to move but there are absolutely no jobs at the moment for obvious reasons). During this time i became close to a girl i work with. Not sexually but just really good friends. Last friday, a bunch of people went after work to the pub so me and my friend tagged along. At last orders we walked to the bus stop to get home and she tried to kiss me. I backed away and said "no" partly through shock and partly through not seeing her in that way.She then started to cry and get really upset. I managed to calm her down and we didn't speak until a solitury goodbye as i got of the bus.Today (sunday) i got a text of her saying sorry for the way she acted and crying but she turned round and said she kissed me for a reason and she wants to go for a date. just me and her.So my question is; how do i let her down gently? She's a really close friend to me but thats it. I don't want to go on a date because i feel i have to, then string her along. She's to important a friend to me for me to lose.Thank you everybody for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I agree, simply state that although you are very fond of her and think she is the coolest chick, you just don't want to ruin a good friendship with a romance. Tell her you are sorry, you hope she will understand, it is just that you value her friendship so much you don't want to mess it up.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 I think you have already given her the idea so no matter what you say to her she is probably already prepared for the inevitable. You just need to tell her what is in your heart. Just try not to be heartless in the way you tell her and you should be fine. Explain it to her as you explained in your writing. It was plain, concise and it got right to the point without being cutting. You will be fine. Doc
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A
female
reader, cblover2011 +, writes (9 February 2009):
i think you should just tell her how you feel." i dont want to hurt your feelings or anything, but i don't like you the way you like me. i just want to be friends. you are one of my good friends and i dont want to lose you."or maybe something along those lines
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Be honest. Tell her you don't see her in the "way" and you would not want to destroy what friendship you do have. It hurts to be rejected...but, it hurts a helluva lot more to "break-up"
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (9 February 2009):
You're right to not want to string her along. And the last thing you said is, I think, the most important. She is already your friend. If you don't see her in a romantic way, and you don't feel the chemistry that you think you would need, then any involvement would probably be short, and you'd end up losing her friendship. You see the two of you working as friends, but not working romantically.She probably has two things she is dealing with (though if a woman can chime in here, it'd be good to confirm).One, she has affection that she doesn't want to let go. Two, she has risked embarrassment to share them.Depending on how close of friends you are, and how true this statement is, you could for example say that you think it is very cool that she is confident enough to approach a guy, or the like. Find what she has done well. In the way that a friend might compliment another if one had made a pass at a third party. "Good moves, though." Something you can affectionately laugh about. That leaves her an opening to talk about any embarrassment (i.e. it's not a taboo topic), and minimizes the embarrassment as well (if it was a good move, or brave, or guys do love that, etc). Plus, you model how to talk about it, and how your relationship will be going forward. And you even share a little bit more of yourself with her, but in the context of a friend. She's not alienated/lost your friendship.Now, I'm assuming this isn't a "i love you more than the deepest abyss" sort of thing, that you two are capable of laughing, even if it is a slightly sad one. A kind of "I promise not to tease you about this so long as you don't bring up the time I whatever".That's my best suggestion. Let's hear some of the wise women here for a lady's perspective!
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