A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I told my X that I wouldn't mind trying it one more time.But now I want out. She was crying hysterically and I felt bad. I don't think she has changed enough, there is no newness to being with her agiain. and since our break up I feel like a new man, doing new things and exploring who I am and new things. I really don't no what to do. I don't want to get her pregnant or something n be stuck forever. I really feel like I'm faking. I don't know whether I should just not pick up the phone anymore or should I try talking to her and tell her how I feel
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Do her a favour and don't stay. She's not who you're meant to be with.
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (9 February 2009):
You should talk to her. It sucks to sit around and wonder if you did something wrong, to try to draw (the wrong) lessons from a heartbreak.But it also sounds like the talk isn't a "how can we make this work" but rather a "I can't make this work" talk.You wished you felt more than you do, as much as she does. You've tried; you don't.You don't want to see her hurt, but if that's the only reason you stay with her, you'll resent her. And you'll find ways to fight and break up again. Which will just hurt her more.You want her to be happy, and you want you to be happy, too, and you can't see that happening together.Since this isn't the first time you've broken up, the possibility will be there in her mind. So if you are trying, and it just isn't working for you, she at least knows what you mean.If you know it isn't working, and you are done trying, don't lead her on, don't waste her time, and be firm and clear with your decision. (Aside: best breakup I ever had happen to me went something like "this isn't healthy, I can't do this, and I think we should not see each other for a few months. Are you okay? Alright, I'm going to hang up now. Goodbye." Slightly longer, but basically factual, clear, and not about me. I was pretty much okay that same day.)
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