A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 years 3 months ago i was single and i was just out of an open relationship when i made friend with one girl on facebook.we started to chat everyday and she kept on telling me how her boyfriend was treating her badly....i felt very sorry for her.when i learned we live like 5 mins to each other we met everyday then in december 2009 i proposed her and she accepted.her boyfriend of that time was abroad and she left him to be with me.2009 went fine till february 2010she told me alot of bad things about my best friend and made us mad against each other.i didnt care as all i wanted was that girl.we kept on fighting several times a week over little things but i was so in love with her that i took all the blame.june 2010 she started swearing and that annoyed me but after 2-3 weeks i knew it was hopeless to tell her to stop.then in january 2011 she started hitting me even punching me in my face and stuffs.at first i was still madly in love and didnt care since i am pretty strong.february 2011 i took her virginity.after that in april 2011 she made me fight with my class mate who sits next to me but we stayed friend as i didnt want to lose him and repeat the same mistake.now its october 2011 her birthday is 2morrow.i got hit countless times from february to today.all i want is to leave her but today she told me that im the only one for her(her parents abandoned him when she was 3.her dad remarried and her mom went abroad for 3 years.she lived with her grandma for 10 years before settling down with her mom)she told me that when she is angry she takes it on me as im the only one close to her and that she has no one but me and that if im not here she would kill herself.now im stuck.i want to leave her but i just cant she will keep on phoning me or my parents.harass me constantly till i come to see her again.i really dont know what to do.i met my friend of 2009 and we mend up.i really love her but i really want to leave her....she destroyed my personality.i cant even decide what i want to do.i need to be with her 24/7.she keeps on threatening me :/ im helpless and clueless of what to do now.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Oh dear.
she's emotionally abusive
she's physically abusive
over and over
neither of these is an isolated incident.
the truth is that the background information does not matter.
the entire question can be summed up with:
"My girlfriend hits me, I need to leave her but she emotionally blackmails me when I try and threatens to harm herself. WHAT can I DO to take care of me?"
What you need to do is take care of you. In order to do so you need to get away from this toxic relationship.
Next time she hits you call the police and let them come and doccument it. IF your state is like mine, she will be arrested. DO NOT bail her out of jail. She will have to go to court EVEN IF YOU DO NOT agree to testify against her you will have to. It's hard to do but it's for your protection.
IF you don't do that and try to leave her and she says "i'm going to kill myself i you leave me" then you tell her "I'm sorry for that let me call the authorities for you, then dial 911 and report a suicidal woman... they will come with the EMTs and possible put her in the hospital for her own good. (at least that's how it works in my state, the police and the authorities are very very proactive and up in your business)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 If someone threatens to kill themselves you don't end up in bed with them or try to "change their world". Take it seriously. Call the cops and say you have a suicidal ex girlfriend who threatens to kill herself and leave the responsibility to where it belongs. If she's serious about killing herself or other self harm then she needs professional help, not getting laid.
You need to step away from her, but do so by placing responsibility for her health and well being where it belongs: with her, and not with you. If she is unstable and suicidal you call the police.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlast night i decided to break up with her....she told me she would kill herself...i got frighten and told her i will try once more to change her.today we ended up in bed she tempted me to it :/
anyway to make her stop loving me....to hate me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): you have to leave her, it's not just for your own good but it's also for her own good. Call a suicide hotline and tell them that she's threatened to kill herself and they can help you. You might have to take her to a mental health clinic so she can get on medication to deal with her suicidal thoughts.if you stay with her just to prevent her from killing herself, that may seem like a stop-gap measure but it's obviously not a permanent solution. Sooner or later she'll find other ways to get upset to the point of wanting to kill herself. if you stay with her you're helping to keep her on the verge of almost killing herself which isn't good for her either. She doesn't need you, she needs professional help but she doesn't know or refuses to admit it so instead she's trying to use you to make her feel better.she needs to learn new and better ways to deal with life and relationships. it's not her fault she's like this because she's had a rough life and that can really mess people up. But that doesn't mean that she should continue to be messed up just because she's that way now. She needs to change herself and she won't if you continue to enable things to continue as they have been.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (31 October 2011):
 This is really affecting you so you need to tell another adult. Her parents or a close family member of hers is a good person to tell. That way, she can get the help she needs or at least the support to stay strong before she makes an awful decision besed on a not so great relationship. You both deserve happiness so don't wait any longer just because she may not be happy with your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontoday was her birthday...i made a surprise birthday party for her.when she came home everything was fine.after birthday party she got angry.threw away my gifts then mend up with me then started to fight again.i want to leave but what if she really kills herself?
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (30 October 2011):
You have to leave her. It's going to be hard, but you have to do what's best for yourself. You may love this girl, but she's a troublemaker and it's already gotten pretty bad. And it can get worse, but don't let it. This girl is emotionally blackmailing you to keep you. You deserve better and she shouldn't cause you to lose valuable friends. It's going to be hard, but do it as soon as possible. If she kills herself, then it's not your fault because there has to be some personal issues that would cause her to go that far in the first place. Get your life back, and your friends, and don't settle for less than you deserve because she doesn't deserve you. She'll be sad, but she will recover, so don't let her keep you in this terrible relationship. You can do it. And after you break it off, make sure to get a restraining order so she won't be allowed to contact you for any reason.
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