LDR--we were to get married but now he's always ill. I just don't see things happening

A female age 41-50, *issemily11 writes:

i'm gonna have to say sorry in advance cos this may be a long read. I'm 30. He's 31. We been in LDR for 3 years. Different countries. We met while he was working in my town for a few weeks. I was in a mess trying to end my then relationship. He was the caring sensitive guy who won me over. We of course had a few issues at first being me as i was still not over my ex but things worked well and a few months later he proposed. I told him i love being with him and see myself being married to him but as it was way too fast i asked him to go slow. We're from 2 different cultures so i didn't want him to jump into something he may not like. My culture means alot to me and i know its not everyones cup of tea. We agreed. I know he loves me but over the years communication lessened so did the visits. He always insisted on visiting me thus i never got the chance to meet his family yet. I told him my concerns bout that but he said i'll get my chance to meet them. To cut the story short we were supposed to get married in june 2011. Looking back he was never interested in the whole planning process. He never actually proposed with a ring. He told me it was because he could not marry me until he told his parents. His parents separated around early 2010 and i feel he could have made more of an effort. His excuse was his mom was going through menapouse and refused to talk to him or the rest of the family. But i'm not one to question this because having grown up with my parents divorced i know its hard. And he would tell me how hard it is for him and i tried to be there and support him. A month before the wedding he got admitted into hospital. He still didn't want to give much feedback bout the wedding. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings and actually wanted to be there at our wedding and marry me. Which is why he didn't want to postpone it. But he was in hospital and as the date got closer i called it off thinking he wouldn't have time to recover and it was getting too expensive for me. And i was right. We had a fight about that. He wasnt allowed visitors as he said he was in quarantine. I want to trust him but something tells me something is wrong. Well up to today he still sick. I hear it in his voice but when there's a will there.s a way they say. My parents ask if he is serious about us .. I'm just praying and putting faith he is. I leave him voicemails as it hurts when he talks. I send him emails and photos that normally go unreplied. We rarely skype and he's an IT guy. He smses a few times in a day. He hasn't told his mother about us yet. I told him i love him but i cant do this much longer. He says he will fix things when he's well and wants us to be together. I try to get him to talk more about us and our future. I'm supposed to move to his country. But i always feel a bit unsatisfied with our conversations. I still love him so much but its been so long since i felt a strong connection between us and i Havent seen him since feb. I just dont know if i should stick in there or end it. I'm just having trouble seeing things clear and want an honest opinion.

View related questions: different countries, divorce, his ex, my ex, wedding

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 October 2011):

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A female reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (30 October 2011):

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