A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok here I go this will take a little well it all started right b4 christmas, I was going Christmas shopping and I saw this girl we seen each other we hadn't talked or anything for about 3yrs I wanted to date her back then when I was 15 then which I'm now 18 and this girl is 17 now soon to be 18. But back when we were younger she had been with this guy which they broke up it sounds like he doesn't want her back the way it sounds. But she looked so different I didn't know it was her at first and she didn't realize it was me neither. But she isn't dating her ex but wants him back but I'm trying to get her which I got the guts to ask her out Thursday for dinner and so she accepted. It was amazing I took her to the steakhouse we talked so much all I got to eat in 2hours was my shrimp and apple sauce we didn't touch the appetizer we talked so much we didn't touch the appetizer and I could hold her eyes pretty easy. But we both have changed but now we are even more alike it's just it was like every second was fun and interesting which she had a child who is now 2 but sadly she had to give her baby up for adoption she did an open adoption to pick out her kids parents which in her case was best. But I have feelings for this girl but the problem is her broken heart which I was there b4 as well I know how she feels. so I didn't notice the broken heart thing till later she didn't really show any signs until she went to a party which came after i tried asking her out she said I'll let you know tomorrow which was the best answer cuz I know she's doing it with thought so the next day she said she wants to take it slow and see where it goes knew he was going to be there she was going to leave after she hung with some friends for a bit. Well it didn't go as planned so she got trashed hardcore but the last few days she had posted it on her myspace a lot of feelings about him that she loved him then the yesterday she said she was done wasting her time on someone who may never love her again. so recently I made her top friends and she does those goofy survey's and for some reason I clicked on it and it asked if she knew anyone with my name and she said yeah and he's cool as shit meaning me she said it about me one day to but she mentioned me in her profile. which we are still talking a lot Im trying to take her out again but she gets busy but she's not the person who will lead you on if she doesn't like you so I know it's not a head game. But my questions relate from what I just told. 1st how do I compete win this old ex of hers is there anything I can do so maybe she won't be so destructive she drank a shit load over him at the party and had guys punch her intentionally she was very self destructive? 2nd how can I show her my true feeling I know touch is 1 part which I'm doing good on the eyes and all that but I wanna figure out how to get closer how do I know when it's time to take that step and how do I go about it? I'm not just trying to get her all at one time that's not what I'm trying to say but I want to take her heart 1 piece at a time. It's funny since Thursday I been motivated filling out new job applications scheduling my GED class which I'll admit I've been hooked on marijuana for awhile where I got real shitty feeling without it I smoked one day but it wasn't me trying to find it my busy did it was very little and it was just for fun but I don't feel reliant on it since I started talking to her. I'm pretty sure I'm falling for her there's not to much doubt in my mind but if I get into a relation I wanna make it start healthy. She's been screwed over by a few guys and that her ex she liked I geuss never hurt her ever. So my 3rd and final question is how do I show her that I'm not like the other guys I like her for her and that I do have feelings and I wouldn't do something if it could hurt a relation in any ways I see myself getting the girl but there's things that need worked on. I haven't had the best girlfriends in the past two of them hurt me so many times imagine being drug out with a rope around your arms and legs tied to a car drug ever slowly for a long time, that's how bad I felt when I had that but her I trust her and I see an amazing person inside and out so guys what do I do and plz don't tell me the grammars bad I this 1 this is the second 1 I have done and I'm doing it letter by letter on a itouch which is very challenging considering tiny keys and I have man hands thanks for reading
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 February 2010):
 honestly I don't think you should invest much time and energy into her at this point. She does not have the closure necessary to move on and until she feels that she won't be able to dedicate all her emotional energy to you and its going to end up in heartbreak. I mean, it's possible to win her over, but I think it's more likely that although she sees you as a catch or a cool dude, that she's distracted by the ex drama.
I don't see how this can progress if she won't go out with you again, I think it's a bad sign that she's supposedly so busy to not be taken out for a second date, but does manage to squeeze in the time to get shit-faced drunk and get boys to fight over her. she wants good and bad male attention and I don't think she can tell the difference, otherwise why wouldn't she be hanging out with you more? I think she DOES play games (otherwise why cause drama at the party?) and is playing you. Sorry to be harsh.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 OK.. won't tell you off for the bad grammar then.. lol
I'm really bad at how to get someone to like you things, but I'll give it my best shot.
First and most important, she's still caught up on her ex, whether he's good or bad, she's still emotionally attached to him. That's why I don't really want you dating her at the moment. The first guy after a break up is usually the "rebound guy", he's the guy who heals your heart, but then when you feel stronger, you usually walk away and find someone else. I don't want you to get yourself in that position.
Mel is right, you need to be a friend, get her to turn to you when she needs support. Make yourself an important part of her life, make her dependant on you. Now this is tricky, cause you care for her so much, and it's gonna be he for you. But as a friend, you get to spend time with her, you get her to trust you, you get her used to you. You got to do all this, without ending up in the "friendship basket", where she sees you as one of the girls instead of a passionate young man. Take her out, call her up sometimes, but make it very easy going. If she asks, then tell her you like her company, and she's good for you. Also arrange things with your friends, and take her along, so she starts sharing your life, bit by bit. And compliments about her personality are nice, make her feel real special.
Don't start talking of love and that stuff, it's too soon for her, and she'll be tempted to run to you for comfort, but she'll be using you. (unknowingly) Much better is a friend who she can depend on. Get to know her, and show her fun and make her laugh. That's a big start. When she is over her heartache, you'll know cause you'll be around her all the time.
PS: Don't talk bad about her ex, it's none of your business, just be there to listen and help her dry them tears.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): ok hon here goes, the main thing i think you should do at this time is to be her friend. that doesnt mean you dont have feelings for her but that shes not in a good place to start a relationship. be there for her to lean on and dont pressure her for more just yet. be a real friend and when she lets down her guard, try to encourage her to not drink or do drugs. try to protect her from herself and her self destruction. i dont know if that can be fixed or not but a good friend can go a long ways to helping someone thru tough times.
1) you compete by being a nice guy. the kind that can be trusted. the kind that has whats best for her at heart and not how soon you can get her into bed with you. compliment her, touch her (not sexually) and laugh with her. laughter is very comforting and attractive.
2) you wont have to try to show her your feelings. when someone cares for you it shows. just be your own self, be true and faithful, be a real friend, and be gentle. be a gentleman, and make her feel special.
3) if you do all these things and stay around and become a dependable and true friend...showing how much you genuinely care for her...she will see how different you are trust me.
for your own well being you must be strong and mentally and physically healthy before you can help someone else. leave the drugs and hard partying behind, do good in your job, and you will be healthy and happy. that will enable you to help her. take care cowboy ;) mal
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Tell her to stop drinking and going to parties, not because you are possessive and insecure, but for her health reasons. Alcohol doesn't take away your pain. There are counsellors in school. Encourage her to get good grades and think for her future and career so that she could get her kids back. Be understanding when she has her fears and doubts. Keep your options open. She might be using you as a rebound. There must be a reason why she's attracted to bad guys. The way she was raised? You want to be her supportive friend, but at the same time she needs to know she is desired. You can do that without looking like a predator. Every girl likes guys who are ambitious, and are crazy about something besides her. I am telling you things you could do but the rest is up to her.
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