A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's driving me insane because she has a boyfriend (who I know) and she is the only girl I've ever truly liked. She is extremely intelligent, hard working, kind, selfless, and unique.I've thought about her every single day since I first saw her (Not obsessively , I have my own life)I had asked her out having only talked to her twice, not really expecting anything except getting to know her. She was nice about it, but rejected me because she has a boyfriend. I didn't even find out who her boyfriend was until months later.I talked to her more to get to know her and I started liking her.She was amazing, trying to get me to talk about myself without really knowing me. I always feel like she talks to me differently than her other friends, for whatever the reason. She says we are friends and recently has been telling me I'm sweet which I usually take as a friend zone word. She may not mean it that way but that's what it usually is and what I feel it is.But then I always feel like she looks at me more than she needs to. We are in a group talking and I look at her, she's looking at me. This week she was talking and just looked me fwhile she talked like no one else was with us for 10 seconds.Does she like me? Is she just playing with me to get attention?What?(I can provide more info if needed)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): Time heals.You will feel better.Concentrate on other stuff.Do not nurture it.Everytime you think about her snap yourself out of it consciously.Think about something else.All the best.
HB
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's alright , I don't mind the questions.You're right there could be multiple reasons for a girl saying no. I can't read minds though so I don't know what her reason was. All I know is that she said, "I have a boyfriend." She was kind about it though.When her boyfriend said it, we were in a small group working together on an activity at a friends apartment. She was talking to him about his girlfriendand whdn asked who it was, he said (Her name). Our friend asked if he was serious and he said yes. She was surprised and he said they were keeping it professional. A few days later, a close friend to the boyfriend and (her) confirmed it. At that point I was just thinking that if it wasn't hard enough her having a boyfriend, it just had to be him. Now Ihad to try even harder to hide my feelings and keep my distance. She might or might not know but he doesn't. There were times I wanted to help her but didn't because that would have let him know. Times where I wanted to say things but I didn't because it was a give away to both of them. It's a much tighter situation now for me.During the summer last year I would find her alone or she would find me and we talked for a few hours while working on our assignments. Of course we are both responsible and had many classes so that was our priority, but we still talked for a few hours. I was limited in what I could say and then eventually her boyfriend would come and I would basically shut up, not saying much. It's extremely tough. I never wanted to put her in an awkward position or myself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): Hey I have one more question.Did she explicitly tell you in these words,"I have a boyfriend".Did her boyfriend tell explicitly in
these words,"we are dating one another".
The reason I keep asking again and again is because when a guy I really really liked and wanted to spend time with, offered to drop me home I said no because my guy bestie was waiting for me.I thought friends first eh.The whole college squeals after the guy I like.So I thought he doesn't need one more girl squealing after him.I keep away from.him nowadays....there you go.There can be more than one reason for a girl saying no.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe told me she had a boyfriend but I didn't know if she was lying as a polite way of saying No or if she was telling the truth. I always kept my distance and then when I found out I kept my distance even more.
I have backed off significantly since then, but I've never backed off completely. I care about her too much to do that. Besides, she has helped me a lot and it would be wrong not to be there for her when she needs help.
I have plenty of distractions in my life. I go about my life every day, handle my business but still I end up thinking of her. I just keep trying. I try to just continue keeping my feelings to myself, keeping my distance. It's hard
Thank You
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Hmmmm......Its really complicated.Now the guy is your friend.She herself told you that she had a boyfriend when you asked her out. Now its your turn to act like a gentleman and keep away.Find other stuff to do.Distract yourself.Make yourself a million.If someone is meant to be for you,fate has a way of bringing them to you.I am like you.I don't fall in love easily either.So when I like someone,I do get distracted by them.I am trying to work on it though.Everyday is a new day.You can improve yourself in some way or other. All the best.HB.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was the end of the summer term in College when I asked her out. I felt distracted the entire semester because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I kept asking myself why I couldn't stop thinking about her when I didn't even know her. There are thousands of girls on campus, all of which I could just walk past without a care. I'm not the kind of guy that checks girls out because of their physical assets or anything like that. Yet I saw her and couldn't stop thinking about her.
I talked to her once late in semester and before our Final. After I finished I walked out and could have kept walking, but it being the last day I knew I would not see her again so I mustered up every ounce of embarrassing courage in me, went back and asked her out to lunch I think. The moment was a blur, I was so nervous. She had smiled and told me how sorry she was and that she had a boyfriend. She was really nice about the whole thing, she told me we could hang out though. She had told me about an organization she was in. I joined just to get to know her. It was great, I met a lot of nice people but I was there for her.
I made some new friends, including with this one guy. He was the leader of the whole thing and we became friends. Months later I found out from him that he was her boyfriend (He wasn't talking to me) He made it clear and said they kept it professional, which is why I and the people he was talking to had no idea. So her boyfriend turned out to be my friend.
That's why it's not as easy as when I had asked her out. I know she probably knows I like her, unless she is as blind as I am to that sort of thing. She may or may not like me. Maybe she just wants me to confess and that's why she is always trying to get information out of me. I don't know what goes on in her relationship or what her true fedlings are towards him, but if I tell her how I feel, not only will I be knocked down but I will probably lose a friend as well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): I have been following this question very closely.I am a romantic and I felt you really like this girl but not in an obsessive way. In the first place,you thought that ""There is no way this girl doesn't have boyfriend." Pardon me there are some of us who started out as ugly ducklings and it kind of stays on.So maybe there are good looking girls who don't have boyfriends or who are between relationships. When you asked her out,did you ask her out on a school day,"Lets have lunch together" or "Can I drop you off home and get you some dinner if you are hungry".Both of them sound like a favor returned.I have said no to both of them though I really really liked the guy. I spend all my time with my best friend who is a guy.But I have no feelings for him whatsoever.There was a supposed best friend I had in my teens who went and told the guy that I liked that he was my boyfriend.The utter horror of that kind of cunning still stays in my mind. What are you going to lose by telling her your feelings?If she is the wonderful girl that you claim her to be,if you request her secrecy about it she is not going to tell anyone else.It doesn't matter if she rejects you,she still wouldn't say it to anyone. Confessing your feelings would be like ripping off a band-aid.You get to know her answer,move on with your life.My policy in life is simple.I do not want any what ifs in my life later. At least I will have the satisfaction that I gave it my all.I tried. If you have these feelings for her,you cannot be friends with her.It doesn' work.Its better to come clean and rip it off.All the best. HB
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never assumed she had a boyfriend. Well when I first saw her I thought, "There is no way this girl doesn't have boyfriend." I couldn't stop thinking about her even though I didn't know her. As embarrassing as it felt, I took the chance of asking her out so I could get to know her. I thought she had a boyfriend but I never assumed it. Months later I found out from her close friend and boyfriend himself who her boyfriend was. I was surprised because aside from always being together, they didn't seem to be in a relationship. We knew nothing about each other and she knew even less about me. I never told anyone a detail about my life. Eventually I told her my story, she seemed interested in knowing about my life since then. It always feels like she wants to know everything because she keeps insisting.Anyway, I started liking her after I got to know her, her passion, her goals, her unique personality. She was the most wonderful person I had/have ever met. I never hit on her because I knew she had a boyfriend and I respected that as hard as it is. As much as I tried to hide it, I would always act differently around her, saying something stupid, unable to mask my emotions the way I do around others. I always felt she had to know, even if I did try to hide it.I don't hate her. I just don't ever want to get to that point. It's so hard to be her friend, but I care about her too much not to be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Did she tell you that he was her boyfriend or did you assume it on your own
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2014):
 She might not even be aware of just HOW much you fancy her, so I wouldn't "hate" her. However, I don't think the way she is with you, is how she is with all her male friends.
She IS enjoying the attention and she is taking the attention as, OH he is such a good friend (nothing more) because he never hits on me) - but I DO think deep down she knows.
I would not confess my feelings for her, for the simple reason that she HAS a BF and SHE already know, she can't be that dense. And she has chosen to keep being with her BF - so if you confess your feeling all you will have is her acting awkward.
I would get out there and met new people. Put her on a slow back burner if you don't want to cut the friendship off completely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not as easy as just confessing how I feel. A lot has changed since I first met her. Under normal circumstances, I would tell her everything even if she already knows and is just waiting for me to say it. In this case, she should know why I cannot do that.
Thank you. I'm likely just going to just back off completely, not giving her attention if she seeks it. I still do care about her too much to not have her in my life after all that she has done for me, but I don't want to end up hating her or hurting again.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (6 February 2014):
There are other fish in the sea, other's just as smart and wonderful as her. Just stop setting her as a pedestal. If she liked you she would have have been dating you, not so? The most she will say is "you are like a brother to me". To me that is all the answers you would ever really need to find out if someone likes you or not.
It is awesome for her that you can have all these feelings for her yet still be respectful. In the end you are making yourself the friend. The most you can even do is confess to her and leave it up for her to decide because this rate you are gonna end up not talking to her for long periods anyway. You can't expect women to do all the right things when guys don't do the same as well. Take some initiative yourself, whether it be leaving her alone or confessing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's just for me, it is easier to move on if I know she doesn't like me at all. Not saying I would make a me if she did. Though you would never know she is in a relationship with her boyfriend by looking at them, I still respect hat fact.I've actually backed off to the point where I don't give her compliments anymore, I don't look for reasons to be around her. We talk and text, though she usually initiates the whole texting thing. I just go about my business. I still do feel like if I try to back off too much, she tries to get my attention again. She doesn't need to be looking at me, she does not need to be getting up fro her seat to get me when there is someone close to me that can just tap my shoulder. I don't like to be played with, and she should know I don't need that with everything I have suffered in life.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2014):
She knows YOU like her and she is enjoying the attention and the fact that someone is FANCYING her.
I don't think it goes further then that, after all SHE is still with her BF. I think you are kind of wasting your time "pining" after her and hoping she likes you more then a friend.
I would honestly back off. Maintaining a friendship if one person "like like" the other can be almost impossible.
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