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male
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anonymous
writes: Guys, i've been trying to forget about her but it just isn't working....Me and my ex have been together for 2 years, im 21 shes 20. After a year we moved in together, today is exactly 1 month since she broke up with me and left me. I loved her alot, i still do, and i know that she will always play a part in my heart. When we were dating, i gave her everything she wanted, i mean i treated her as if she was a goddess. whatever she wanted i would buy for her, whereever she wants to go i would take her.... you guys get the point...During the time we are together, she told me her ex boyfriend looked exactly like me. At first i didn't believe, but then one day when we were out, i saw him... and yea i know such DRAMA.... i couldnt believe it myself... He looks exactly like me, just that the hair styles are different and the way we dress is different.well, it seems like yea she was dating me at the start because i was a rebound... I tried to change that, i tried my best to capture her heart, i treated her with all the love i have and really believed she loved me for me not because i look like her ex.She told me, even her siblings told me, that when they dated, her ex treated her really bad, he has anger problems and sometimes HITS her, he hits the walls, and doesn't even care for her when they were dating. When she found out that he cheated on her, they broke up. I mean.... how can a guy like that be loveable....Anyways the problem is, ever since we broke up. She has been seeing that guy again... 'AS FRIENDS'. He tried asking her out again after a week after we broke up and she refused him, but now they are friends. i mean.... if she doesnt want to be with him. and know that he is still trying to pick her up why doesn't she just avoid him? why be friends with someone who cheated on you and treated you so badly before...ever since we broke up.... i feel dead.... i loved her more than anything and thought that she would be the one for me. Anyways, yesterday i talked with her sister, she told me she and ian are still seeing each other and are good friends. She told me that she is constantly doing errands for him like before, being like a slave to him. she told me that she started dating me at the start because i looked like him. She told me that she thnks she still has feelings for him or something.I REALLY DONT GET WHAT I DID WRONG!!!!I love her dearly, treated her fairly, respected her and did everything for her.on the other hand her ex, hits her, yells at her, slaves her, doesnt even show affection to her!!! how..... just how can she have feelings for him... i really don't know....Please someone give me some advice....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2006): Hi
Well, believe it or not I was seeing a 22 yr old guy that looked just like my 21yr old ex before him. They knew they looked a lot like each other but I knew I wasn't with the second guy just because he looked like my ex - I was with him cos he treated me better.
Sounds like she can't see that the guy has power/control over her. If she could see that, she wouldn't be with him - she has lost her independence to him.
I am afraid there is nothing you can do to make her see sense - you will only push her away. Yes, it is very likely that she was with you on the rebound.
I can tell that you obviously care about her a lot. Thing is, you really do need to stop being there for her. I know that probably sounds bad, but once she realises you are not there anymore, she might come to her senses and realise that you are the one for her. (Although there are no guarantees as it seems she is pretty much one hundred per cent powerless to get rid of this other guy).
Just stop being there for her. Trust me, if she is meant to be with you, she will be. Otherwise, you need t omove on. Yes i know it's hard, but things will get better soon enough - and hey, you may even meet a =nother girl who is so much better than her and more deserving of your time - this one clearly didn't appreciate everything you did for her.
By the way, I'm 19 and you can sent me private messages to help you anytime - my username is lush123
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