A
female
age
41-50,
*yntaxrage
writes:Recently i found out my husband has a female friend who talks to on the phone and texts. One night i pretended to be him and texted her tha last text i sent was that i m going in my bed now before my wife starts to quarrel.next morning he is calling to me to ask if i quarrel with somebody he phone Last????? the bitch had the nerveand on top of that he is looking to defend her........when i ask him who is she or she is a friend a lawyer .....whats her name? non of my business or is his life he can be friends with who he wants. Then he has a friend who lives foriegn and she would calling all hours of the night and he sees nothing wrong with that.no problem with the opposite sex but not when he wants to keep them a secret HELL NO.........Am i crazy for thinking so?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I must add during the course of the relationship i have received the gift of 2 std's one being herpes. I thank God it wasnt aids.. but its still something i will have the rest of my life. He would tell me things like if you ever get fat ill leave you .. and accuse me of wanting to leave him and having a boyfriend because i worked out. I have found condoms and viagra in his truck . must not of used the condoms .. and countless phone numbers. The counsler i went to after the third session told me he had no desire to fix the problem and i needed to leave. i was so angry with her. she was right. the hard part of leaving is knowing he has these women to put me down to him and it doesnt bother him. but i can wait and catch another std and hurt like you know what or take the ones i have and hurt for a while and find peace.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): You are not crazy my husband has had women "friends" thru our whole relationship. I asked him to stop he thought it was funny but said he would. there was about 8 of them that i knew of. We changed his cell or i should say I changed it but they still got the number. A couple he worked with. sex texts and countless texts and calls per day.. when i called him he would ignore my calls. I would call them and he would get mad at me and the women would tell me i was crazy as he would after a year and a half 5 months married im done. they can have him I will not "fight" for him anymore. even went to marriage counseling alone to save my marriage. He had no respect for me and when it comes down to it he was my husband. it was his call to make. not mine. hurts. but rejection always does. he can now keep his ex girlfriends and all the others.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 You need to get copies of these messages, dopwnload them to a disk and SEE A LAWYER!
He is cheating on you!
Dont sit on your hands...don't be afraid to strike out on your own. This will continue if you don't do something...he is playing you for a fool...
It does not matter if they know or not...he is doing this...HE IS THE PROBLEM...if it wasnt these girls in particular., it would be another woman.
I hate to say it, but you better get tested for STD's Love may not be forever,. but Herpes is!
Don't believe a word out of his lying mouth!
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A
female
reader, syntaxrage +, writes (3 August 2009):
syntaxrage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers, i needed to hear others peoples opinion on the matter and i am glad i did. He says he won t call her anymore but now he carries his phone where ever he goes around the house if not switch it off so it won t ring????? I listen to his voice mail messages and there is one from some foriegn girl calling at 3.45am in the morning saying she in the airport and once again his phone off????
she called again and left a message to say its her last call she boardin the flight take care?????
Is that she doesn t Know he is married to be calling a married man that hour of the morning????
Comments please........
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 August 2009):
Married men only keep friends names secret from their wives if they have reason to. In this case, I am afraid he is looking around the lot seeing if he can get a trade in for a new model. Sorry to be so blunt, but I suggest you at least see a lawyer under the radar to see what your options are. I would also begin to stash cash for yourself, just in case he drops spme kind of bomb on you.He seems to have little regard for you, and I would suggest that his behavior is that of someone who has a boatload of secrets. But his cavalier attitude of throwing this in your face is awful.This will not stop until he feels he really has something to lose. And him not telling you her name, or any other info just screams he does not give a damn about you or your feelings. I cant fault you for wanting to get your marriage back on track if you wish, but once again, he wont stop unless there is a real chance of him LOSING something. Time for you to put your foot up his arse.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Hi,
No, you're not crazy. A spouse should never have exclusive or secret friendships with members of the opposite sex because it just creates suspicion and causes problems. It's sneaky and disrespectful towards your relationship. Good luck dealing with him, he sounds like a hard case. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): No you're not crazy. The girl shouldn't be calling all hours of the night and at least he should tell her not to do that. Your husband and his gf has no respect for you. Speak up and make an end to this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Well, I was in a similar situation, except I was the bitch... Kinda. There was a guy I was friends with who would text me and we would talk till the sun cane up. I I wasn't aware his girl had a problem with it or he was hiding it from her.
He ended up falling for me, and I kinda liked him back but we never did anything because we were both in a relationship. His gf eventually found out and went crazy and confronted me... Blah blah blah. I felt bad so I had to let him go for good...
I can tell you, wether your husband remains "friends" with her or becomes more then that is all up to the other woman..
For example, in my case he was somewhat interested and it couldcr gone further if I'd let it. I did the right thing and ended it before things got out of hand.
In your case, your husband must be somewhat interested in her, if she acts on it, he could cheat, but if she doesn't then he obviously won't force her.
Either way, wether she acts on it or not any woman who gets that close to your man should be considered a threat. You don't know this woman. Your man could like her more than a friend or he could not and same goes for her. She could be a homewrecker or she could be like I was and not act on it.
Even if she's not out to get your man, she's still a potential threat to your marriage because as long as she's around, your husband could be tempted. He could also be involved in an emotional affair.
So to answer your question, yes you SHOULD be worried and you def. Have a reason to be angry.
this sounds dumb, but people in relationships can't have "good friends" of the opposite sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): First, I would say that there is something wrong with him not telling you here name. You do have the right to ask about his friends you are his wife and a relationship is about communication. Second, you should explain to him that you do not like this girl calling at all times of the night. Try telling him that when it comes to time for the two of you to be laying in bed that yoy feel that time is the time for the two of you to spend time togeather. I had an ex boyfriend who did the same thing and when i told him how i felt he quit and he started talking about the friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): No you are not crazy.
my bf was like that and i confronted him and he said the same thing and even tried to deny it.
i was so angry that i made a fake msn so i can add her.
anyways we got in a fight and i was like its me or her and obviously he chose me and he hasn't spoken to her since.
sometimes you have to be tough to get some answers.
anyways good luck
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