A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a serious relationship for just about 2 years. I adore her and I know she loves me. OK. i'll get just down to it. Her ex!! He was her first and i know she was crazy about him and I know she still thinks he's the 'perfect' guy. i thought it was all over a long time ago but everything thats happening points to the fact that she still has feelings for him and the only reason nothings happened between them is because he's a million miles away. They still keep in touch and it seems she's still a little interested in him. She has told 1nce or twice that i'll never mean what he meant to her and she hates talking about it (i don't blame her) so i dont bring it up. I get that this has more to do with me and my insecurities than anything else, but how do i fix it because i know its gonna ruin everything we have and i really want to be with her without holding back. How do get this off my mind/chest?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 The real reason she can never feel for you what she felt for him is that you tolerate being insulted and disrepected in your primary relationship. No woman could ever love a man that does not FIRST respect himself. Only a desparate or needy man would stay in a relationship where he must beg for his woman's heart like this.
Dump her, and find someone else.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 My friend. in all honesty no man would accept the attitude that you are trying to SWALLOW. She disrespectfully and without any concern and care towards you said openly she loves him and thinks he is the best. She not only loves and wants her she does not care about your feelings also. And she is not afraid of losing you at all. So teach her a lesson. Say good bye and run away. Appreciate your self.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 November 2007):
 If she told you that you'll never mean to her what he did, leave her. That is a rotten thing to say to someone. If you stay with her, it's you choice...but don't forget, she already told you where you stand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Oh, it's not you. It's her. She's a cold, heartless child to tell you that you'll never mean as much to her as he does. Do you need an invitation to leave her? Consider yourself invited with that kind of statement.
You're the rebound guy. It will probably hurt, but don't statements like that? Doesn't it hurt knowing she feels more for someone else?
Move on, no contact, immediately. It'll eat you alive and destroy your self-confidence. And she'll have more respect for you if you do.
You deserve better. And she's just not ready to move on. Good luck. You sound incredibly sweet, but too understanding. You're blaming yourself for her cruelty. Don't do it.
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