A
male
age
30-35,
*uestionsanswers
writes:Hey :) I'm in a bit of a pickle here and not reaching any decent conclusion on the matter, wondered if you had any advice. The story is this: I'm almost 18 and have been semi-courting a girl called (for the sake of using a name) Daisy for 5 months. Because we're both young and it was our first relationship she wanted to take it steady and not rush things (She's 10 months younger than me, and so I've been very sensitive and careful not to do anything that would hurt her conscience. We're both very active Christians and so have done our best to do everything in line with the Bible's standards. Last week Daisy ended the relationship saying that she didn't feel "emotionally or spiritually ready for a relationship" and that the fact that she was dating when not remotely close to being able to get married was making her feel guilty to the point of feeling ill. She says she hasn't had the chance to discover herself and whether or not she even wants to be in a relationship (although she always gave the very convincing impression that she was happy with me and had every intention of spending our lives together), so we should both move on and forget about each other because it's "not fair" for me to hang on in the false hope that I can get back with her when she may want to be single all her life. My problem is this: The breakup was not based on incompatibility at all, we both fit each other's "love maps" near perfectly. It was merely based on her feeling too young/inexperienced to make such a life-changing decision as whether or not she wants to marry. The thing is that if I move on and find someone else who fits my "lovemap" it will just be another Daisy simply because she ticks all the right boxes, so should I wait a few years and solidify myself financially, emotionally etc. with the prospect of finding out what her relationship-related decisions for the future are, or should I "play the field" a bit more only to find "Daisy Mk. II" and be tormented by the fact that I've already known and loved the same girl but couldn't be bothered to wait for her? Logically I think it would be better to build myself up and wait til' I'm in a position to actually support a family before I start courting, but the idea of spending several years in emotional purgatory is quite horrible. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you can offer, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my question.Take careJx
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I think Daisy is making a beautiful and mature choice to say "I am not ready for this".
It is not that she does not like you-it is because she has more she wants to do than just what you have planned.
You are my SON's age and I would praise him for wanting a relationship with the right person, but the thing is...SHE has to know it is right and the right timing as well.
If it IS on your "lovemap" fine, but you do not get to shout to God, "But, I want it now...." Go read the story of Rachel and Jacob for persepective:).
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (16 August 2011):
Lovemap? What on earth is that? Life doesn't work that way. Love isn't logical, it isn't mapping your compatibilities to see if you fit with someone and living happily ever after.
Christian or no Christian, this girl is just giving you a line that to effect means the same thing, she doesn't see herself being with you.
Put this one down to experience, there will be other girls who you will connect with - and they will connect with you too. Once you do establish yourself in a relationship with the right person, only then will you really experience and know what love is. It sounds like it didn't work out this time, so let both of you move on.
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (16 August 2011):
 You are 18. I'm not saying you have to be a Hell raiser, but have some fun. You are young and this is a time to date. Marriage is a big step and you realize you aren't ready for it. So, don't rush it. Give Daisy some space and remain friends. She isn't in a place to date for whatever reason. You, however, should go out there and play the field. It might just be that things between the two of you weren't meant to be and you will meet someone even more special. Don't close the door on Daisy, but don't wait around like a lost puppy. Have fun! Enjoy your youth while you can!
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 August 2011):
hi i can see daisys point you are both far to young to even be thinking of marriage it is a lot of responsibility and hard work enjoy yourself while you are only young think of all that stuff later on when your older and more mature and have met someone that wants the same things you do out of life
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A
female
reader, GodsDaughter  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 From a deeply Christian (spiritual) point of view I must say I love the way u and "Daisy" have gone about things. More so I applaud u for ur decision to do things biblically!Okay... Now that I've gotten past the praises I guess I ought to get serious: So first and foremost as ur sister in Christ, I'd like to urge u to seek to understand where ur prospective wife is coming from, and put 'yourself' aside for a minute.. As a Christian I trust that u know how hard it gets when one goes through a spiritual-desert experience in which u don't feel the presence of God! Hence u want to completely focus soley on seeking the heart of the Lord.Daisy is most likely going through that and I'd like to urge u to keep her lifted in pray, if u really love her or see yourself with her in the Long Run u won't just back away instead u'll give it all to God! I mean she didn't break up with u cause she doesn't like u. Matter of fact it had nothing to do with u. She broke up with u for a personal reason. Give her some space... U know that if she truly fitted ur "love map" there's no way u'll find another her so why waste ur time playing the field when u could work on establishing ur future, and growing in spirit. Set ur affections above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God- seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all things (u want) will be given unto u... U are young and so is she and I believe that God always works for the Good of those that love him soo don't worry! If "Daisy" is a God-send then surely she will come back to u, even more mature in spirit as that is what she is seeking. Don't fall away from the Faith, go on with God and he will reunite u both if u are meant to be together! O???.?O???? stay blessed!
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