A
male
age
41-50,
*jansing82
writes:My wife and I have been married for over a year and a half. We have a 6 month old boy who is the world to the both of us. This is going to be a long post if you can bear it out. It started a while back ago, from my youth I have always loved porn and masterbation, when I got into a relationship with my wife I knew she wasn't into this and was against this, but I still loved being around her and having her in my life. For a while things were great, didn't go on to sites or masterbate, but after a while, well old habits die hard. We got into fights about it and she wanted to leave. I told her I wanted to change because, well I do but I have a problem and I have no way to seek help for it. We got married and we were doing ok, I was going in and out of jobs, so there was some stress there. And in july of 2010 we found out she was pregnant. We were both extremly happy with the news. She had a major case of morning sickness and she couldnt hold water. needless to say it was very tough for 9 months for her and myself, although she had it worse. In Febuary our boy came into the world, and god that was the greatest day in our lives. I was fired from my job right before she went into labor, so again very stressed out on both sides. But for over a month I didn't have a job, I end up working for family and it went downhill from there. I cant stand my family so I end up leaving without thinking about the future, big mistake. I have now been without a job for several months both sides of the family have been helping us out and that is causeing problems in our families. Anyway we have been in constant arguments over important and silly issues, we have been trying to keep our son away from these fights. Anyway I end up going back into my self loathing and porn sites, she catches me a few times. We quite having sex because I masterbated to much and because my taste of sex, exploring things like S and M, threesomes and so forth. I also have a thing for older women, I think if they take care of themselves they can be attractive. My wife and I then decided to seperate, but as we both do not have jobs, we live together. I was sleeping on the couch and things were ok for a few days, no major fights and we got along, I thought that she was serious about the seperation, but in her mind she still wanted to get back together, we talked about it, but I didn't know if it would work and if she really wanted to. I talk to my best friend, we talked about S and M and I asked if a certin someone was still in the scene, whaat I did not know was that my wife was watching this, she saw the entire conversation. I regret this conversation with a passion now, because she really meant it. And now we are at wits end, we celebrated my birthday last night and today, we had sex, she took a shower and we talked about getting it out of my system. I't was a mutual idea that we both would go looking for fun, that the two of us would be friends for now until we really decided if we wanted to get back together. So we both went looking, I told wife I wanted her to put a protection on adult sites, save me from myself, she tells me that I can now because she has just looked at an adult movie and that it would make her a hypocrite if I couldn't. We were very open and honest with each other for those 2 days. Tonight we talked, she felt it would be a bad idea for us to do that, which I was fine with, I told her I wanted this to work, she said that deep down a part of her wants it to work as well but alot of her is telling her other wise. She asked friends and family what to do and they all said to move on, but we both love each other and part of us really want to get out of this bad area that has been made and move on with our without each other in the picture, of couse we would still be in the picture to some degree as we have a child. But you know what I mean. I want to change my ways, I dont want to let her walk out of my life, but it's ultimatly her decision if she stays or goes, we have not hooked up with anyone, so we havent done anything that is not repairable. But she still cannot look at me because of the fact that I find older women and S and M interesting. If you dont know what S and M means, you can look it up, but here is a short summery, its a person who likes to have pain done to them. But I would be happy giving that up if it meant she stayed. What should we do? we are both really confused, she doenst know if she should stay and make things work or leave and find something else, because honestly I have lied in the past, and there is no excuse for my lieing or actions.
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best friend, get back together, move on, porn, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 why don't YOU set the computer to disable adult sites? that is not the ultimate answer to your problem but its a start. you basically just need to decide what means more to you - your wife and son OR your porn, S&M and older women.
when you decide - stay on that path. you may need the help of a psycho-sexual counsellor to help you stay on the right path but i am sure you can do it coz you sound like a man who really doesn't want to lose his loving relationship with his wife for the sake of porn, masturbation and casual kinky sex which will ultimately not provide you with even a shred of emotional happiness and security.
do the right thing. get help before this addiction causes irreparable damage
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