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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey guys. I have a 'friend' that rings me everynight telling me her problems. The thing is, it takes up my whole night and I don't want to tell her because how can I say that to someone who has rang me for advice. I'd introduce her to dearcupid but she doesn't have the internet. I know she makes a lot of problems up for attention and she manipulates me because she turns up at my house saying that she's fed up of her own house so she wants to stay here for a few days. I can't turn her away when she has all her bags with her. I know this makes me sound really uncaring but I don't feel it's fair because she's so possessive and in school she tries to take my other friends off me. I know she is insecure but she drags me around all the time and I'm not the type of person to stand up and say I've had enough of it. I'm running out of sympathy because whenever she's around it's no fun for me, I just have to sit around listening to her problems and it's bogging me down. Mum says I used to be really happy and bounce around but since I've been friends with her I've just flopped about. I feel so low and I'm fed up of listening to problem after problem, most of them are a plea for attention, I know, because I've been to her house. What can I do? She makes me dread picking up the phone or answering the door.
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female
reader, pica +, writes (12 November 2006):
Is she actually your friend - have you friends in the past and she has changed? Or is she just leaning on you just now? I think you've put in a supreme effort so far but you can't fix her. Perhaps you need to tell her that. I'm unclear as to whether you (and she) still live at home. If so, suggest you get your mum on board to talk to her. I think you'd be best to tell her you can't help - you'd like to, you've tried but your help isn't making things better. Can she get professional help? Are there charity/government agencies out there who perhaps could help her? She sounds like her own worst enemy - she needs help but is alientating people like you - who do want to help. I think you should sit her down and explain how you feel. Hard I know but a better approach than lying or pretending - she may learn from the experience. Maybe you could agree to meet once a week to support her - limit her time. Could you do more fun things, to get her mind off her problems? Don't let her emotionally manipulate her into doing what she wants. Be prepared to say no and shut the door if that's what it takes. You might be surprised how quickly her problems are gone, or get attached to someone else. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 do not answer the phone everynight darling you need some time for yourself, tell her a boy or all your family is to spend the night theere so she can stay, tell her you are ill or something leave her good nice mesages on the ansaphone when she is not in and pretend you are not in the house some time so she starts to depend less on you
good luck
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