A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About two months ago a girl that I had been dating for three months ended things with me. When we last spoke she said that "things aren't working out between us", and that "I deserved better than her". The day after she broke up with me I found out that she had gotten back with her ex. Lately these things have slowly become more and more bothersome. I feel as if she had no real feelings for me because of the fact that the next day she was back with her ex. I had a lot of feelings for her and feel to as if she didn't feel the same really hurts me. I feel confused about why she would say "I deserve better than her". I feel left so high and dry because it happened so suddenly. Also, I'm left with this question of "now what?"
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 This is a situation where you invested a great deal of emotional energy into a short term relationship. In other words, she meant more to you than you did to her.
The fact that she went back to her ex overnight means she's done with you. And, the fact that she told you she didn't deserve you tells you right there that for once, she spoke the truth.
Best advice here is let her go and never look back. She's poison for you.
Let me make a suggestion for you, so that as you move on, you won't run into a user and loser like this girl.
1. Try and set boundaries in your life. That is how far and to what extent you will go to accomplish certain things. You need to establish your own character, a set of specific rules that you'll live by. And part of that rule book is going to be what kind of girl you want in your life.
Decide for yourself what you can tolerate from a girl that you're seeing or may live with and what goes beyond that boundary or set of boundaries.
2. Stick with your rules. Don't "settle" for someone that you don't want. Find the right girl for you. This way you don't squander your emotional energy on someone who's not worth the time of day.
3. Spend more time trying to get to know the girl you're dating before you make an emotional commitment to her. If she's not within the character boundaries you've set, break it off politely and keep looking for the right girl.
If you try this, you've got a better chance of finding the right girl than finding a user like the one you dated. Frankly the fact that she went back to the ex tells me that she probably has no boundaries, which means you're better off finding out now than much later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): Sorry that happened dude. Been there myself. To be honest its just a bullshit statement from her that reads "i like you but I'm fucking someone else". But she is right though. IF she moved this quickly, she def not a girl I'd wanna be with and not someone you should waste any more time thinking about. Now what....pick yourself up and realize that there's other fish in the sea. It was only a 3 months relationship with her. You can do better than that with another girl. You don't have to change and be on your guard...sometimes theres no way of knowing before hand but I'm sure there's something you could learn from it. Forget about her, move on, clear your mind and start dating. Reliving the pain of your life is a choice you make yourself, you drag 'unresolved issues' from the past into the present only to relive them again. Often enough because you cannot understand or accept what happened, and hope that this endless series of reliving it, will somehow lead to some form of understanding or acceptance in the future.Either way good luck man, hope you find meaning again.
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