A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need some advice....my significant other drives me nuts.she micromanages me and doesnt get how it would irritate a man. if I am cleaning the stove and I press to hard to put the electric stove into its place, she'll jump forward in my space and say let me do it. I'll respond backup and she'll get all crying like she can't do anything right but that's not the case. another example is ill be cooking and she'll try to tell me how and what I should do when I am cooking dinner which drives me bonkers. When I ask her to stop, she just doesn't get it. She is always barking orders and giving me advice and answers to questions I don't ask her. how should I handle this?Another thing that bugs me is that she asks numerous questions about nothing which drives me nuts. she wants to understand better but the questions are frustrating because they are trivial in my mind, basic common sense things you can connect between ideas and whatever. Trivial things that should be common sense.She challenges everything and knows everything and doesn't give much room for exploration and fun. It's all seriousness with her.she takes forever to get ready which is disrespectful to my time and patients. I was taught to be on time and prepared, while she expresses her culture doesn't value time (when she isn't even full Spanish she is maybe quarter). It drives me nuts because we are never on a set schedule. If I want to leave at 10am we aren't leaving until 1pm. this alone makes me want to run for the hills. I didn't notice in the start first 6-11 months (hence a baby) because we were to busy having to much sex being happy with that.The next thing is, she can't take feedback, but she can dish orders out. we have had a few early relationship bickers that got us off in the wrong track since. If I tell her she is bossing me around, she gets all depressed and then starts saying she doesn't do anything right which really isn't even the case its specific examples, not whole examples just a few things, I'm not trying to change them, but find a common ground but after two years I don't know if its going to get better or just be a waste of my time.I then feel she is to dependent on me. Sure I get the benefits for a kid with a stay at home mom, however its boring and i feel she relies to much on me for stuff and its just a lot of pressure. Having this conversation with her she just flips it all, which just angers me because there is no middle ground.She also wants to be around me 24x7 and gets pissed off when I do other things or if I miss a couple days hanging out with her. I then get mad, then she gets mad, then its just a stalemate.It is complicated because we live together and have a kid. It isn't all bad. I'm more annoyed then anything and I understand relationships in general are a pain in the rear. What is a good way of getting through to her before resulting in a discontinuance due to my frustration of the relationship?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
You have to tell her straight how you feel. I don't think there's any other way you can get it through to her. It sounds like she is a very insecure woman who feels as if she has to be in control or her world will fall apart. You need to tell her how you feel, and tell her the relationship will go wrong unless she changes her controlling behaviour.
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