A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! I don't find my girlfriend sexually attractive anymore. We've been dating about 1 and half years. We do get along really well, I do enjoy spending time with her. She's funny, weird, quirky, clever but I come to the point where I fantasize about having sex with other people. Sometimes in bed I pretend its someone else. She is pretty don't get me wrong but I feel like I want to have sex with other girls again. Why am I feeling like this. I don't think she feels the same I think she loves me way more than I do to her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): Seems to me you need to start spicing things up in your relationship. This isn't about other women, you are just getting lazy. Don't you dare be selfish and cheat on this girl. If you cannot bring yourself to putting more into your sex life and your relationship then, break up with her and remain single.
And if you do break it off with her, you better make 100% sure that it's what you want to do. You need to make sure that giving up everything you have with this women is worth this sex with other women you think you are missing. Just don't come back in a few months begging for her to take you back because you realized what you had after you kicked her to the curb for the sake of sex. If you set her free, then allow her to move on with her life.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 My vote is that you break up with her so she can be with a man who does find her attractive and who wants to be with her. She's a lovely woman and deserves a man who is totally in love with her, don't you think?
Be brave. End it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): Guys always want sex with a changing variety partners. That's part of being a guy. You have a wonderful girlfriend, and you're unintentionally beginning to take it for granted. You feel secure in the knowledge she's always available. Sex is becoming routine; because you're lazy and lack imagination. The guys most likely to stray, are the guys who are most selfish in bed. They get off too quickly, so sex with the same partner always seems the same. Try to experiment and see if she has some ideas she's been holding back.Women can change their appearance, and role playing is really a lot of fun. Before you decide to cheat, make up your mind if you really just want out. If you need to be with other women, and enjoy being single.Set her free first.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 you've probably heard the phrase "familiarity breads contempt" well......perhaps it's time for a break. Seperate vacations or a camping trip with the guys? try again after that and see what happens. If she's worth staying with and she still finds you attractive maybe things will work out. Good luck. {sounds a bit superficial though so maybe you need y=to examine thine own self first?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (23 October 2013):
 When my husband decided that he no longer wanted to be married and left me, we had spent ages talking about the reasons why.
The most painful of these reasons was that he said he no longer found me sexually attractive. When I asked him how long he'd felt that way he said years! Even before our second child was conceived.
I was coping with the marital split up until that point, we were both unhappy so although sad it was not a huge shock, but that revelation floored me! I felt used and dirty and my self esteem hit rock bottom, I hated him then, it made me realise that every time we had consummated our marriage (including conceiving our child) he was lying to me, I thought he loved me and now realised that not only did he not love me, he hadn't even wanted to have sex with me!
You can't imagine how painful that was to hear! I didn't need his complete honesty. It destroyed an area of my life that needn't have been affected. I'm sure it didn't make him feel any better and it sure as hell didn't resolve any issues for either of us.
In your case I think it would be even worse for your girlfriend because she's in love with you and has no idea that you're unhappy.
This isn't just about not finding your girlfriend attractive anymore, the fact is, for you, this relationship has run it's course. You may care for her, you may even love her but you're not "in love" with her.
If this is the case you owe it to her to be honest enough to end the relationship but at least spare her feelings. You don't have to make up lies, tell her your feelings have changed, or aren't as strong as you feel they should be or that you want to be free to see other women, but please, DO NOT be so cruel as to tell her that you no longer find her attractive.
Of course this may just be a case of the grass looking greener on the other side, which of course means once you're in pastures new you may suddenly realise that what you had with your girlfriend was what you wanted all along but by then it will be too late.
Your girlfriend deserves a boyfriend who really loves her and who only thinks of her, especially when he's making love to her!
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): I think your relationship has run it's course!
If you aren't attracted to her anymore, your most lkely not going to be again anytime soon.
The reason you want to have sex with other girls, is probably down to the fact your not satisfied in your relationship anymore.
I think it's time to end this relationship.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 October 2013):
No offense to AuntyEm, but that's not the best advice.
Telling her the complete truth will do absolutely nothing with one exception: crush her self esteem. There is a such thing as being too honest. That's like a girl telling a guy "I'm sorry, but I have to dump you because your penis is too small." Dump the guy, but spare him the trauma!
In your case you have two choices: leave or stay. If you stay you should definitely work on spicing up your live life, in and out of the bed. If you don't you might as well dump her and get it over with.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 October 2013):
 You know how marathon runners have a phenomenon known as the "brick wall?" It happens near the end of their long races... when one's head just seems to go dormant... and doesn't tell the body to keep going to finish the race. The best marathoners learn - early on - that they must overcome this in order to complete - hence, win - races.
YOU are experiencing something similar, which is known as the "Panty wall".... a phenomenon wherein a guy is getting plenty from his girl.... but his head takes off for "parts unknown" to see if there isn't/aren't a few OTHER Babes, out there, who would like to take advantage of his sexual prowess....
You can succumb to the "panty wall" as many times as you want. It WILL continue to haunt your for the rest of your life...
In many cases, you WILL find that other girl who will put up with (and, put out for) you... HOWEVER, in the long run, it's better to stick with a girl who loves you... and be faithful and honest with her... and be content that SHE is willing to put up with YOU!!!!
Good luck..
P.S. You can find other information about the similar phenomenon known as "the grass is greener in my neighbor's yard".... elsewhere....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 October 2013):
 You need to tell her exactly what you are thinking and feeling and it must be the absolute truth!!
Seems brutal but it would be far worse to string her along until you meet someone else, or cheat on her. It's better to tell it like it is so she can heal and move on and find someone who can give her the relationship she wants.
You are not wrong for wanting to sleep with other women but you will be wrong if you lie to her and string her along.
Let her go and then move on yourself.
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