A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, I have known this girl for just over a month and plucked up the courage to ask her out. I asked her if she would like to go for lunch sometime this week. Initially she said, yes, that sounds like a good idea. But then she hesitated and said that she's short of cash. I said to her that lunch would be on me but she didn't want me to be paying for her since I've bought her drinks over the last few weeks.Do you think I should just move on from this girl or should I ask her to go somewhere that doesnt involve paying? :)
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 The easiest way to handle this is to put on your smileyest face and say to her: "OK.... I'll LOAN you the money for lunch, and you pay me back sometime in the future." You might even go to the extreme of making up a cute "IOU" on your computer, and present it to her and make her sign it.
If you treat the matter lightly, perhaps you can take some of the severity out of it, and get HER to lighten up....
Good luck..
P.S. I go "Dutch" with my girls until we have been dating for AT LEAST 6 months!!!!!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Put together a picnic for the two of you and go sit in a park and eat together. Cheap so you don't go broke over it and she doesn't feel guilty accepting it. Or invite her for a walk or a bike ride.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): If you like spending time with her then spend time with her. If you don't like spending time with her, then move on. Money shouldn't be a prerequisite for spending time with her...
I'm a little curious that you think because she didn't accept you paying for lunch you think you need to move on. I'm curious because one of the complaints I hear most often from men is that women are too high maintenance and expect to be taken care of all the time....At her age (in my early 20s), I didn't like letting men pay for me. It made me feel like I owed them something which made me uncomfortable and made it harder to approach them as myself...and unfortunately some men assumed the same thing if I did let them buy me a drink...that they were entitled to some post date action.
From the way she responded it sounds like she enjoys spending time with you, it's just that she happens to have an independant streak. That's not a bad thing at all. Besides, say you two hit it off and really liked each other...would you really want to keep paying every time you went somewhere? Would you want your paying for her to be a fixture of your relationship? She obviously doesn't want that and all I can say is good for her.
Sometimes it's a good thing to discard the dating script and just enjoy time with people. There are plenty of things to do that don't cost money.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 It may be a brush off or else she may just genuinely not want you buying her things. Yes try and come up with some ideas where you don't need money. Why not organise a picnic for you both? Ask her and see what happens. If she makes another excuse again I think it is best then to leave it be.
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