A
male
age
30-35,
*lwhy
writes:Dear Cupid,Its been a long time since I wrote to you (I apologize), and now I am here again asking for help for more of my girl problems. In advance, I apologize for any grammar errors or fallacies since my english writing is not that great.Well to start by giving a little background, Im in college now and have been adventuring, meeting, and dating new girls here and there. Although there is one girl that I have been madly crushing on. She is a friend of a close friend. I add her on facebook and just thought I would only flirt with her. Although that one night of flirting actually made me very interested into getting to know her more and maybe become my potential girlfriend. The problem is this, I asked her out but she still obsessing over her two ex boyfriends and does not want to date until she is completely over her ex boyfriends. So iam being a friend to her and being her pillar and support to help her get through with her ex boyfriend problems. it has been 3 months since their breakup and I can give her all the time she needs to get over them.Now the main reason why I am writing this now is that she ditched me to hangout with her ex boyfriend. We were eating snacks and drinks at a local coffee shop until her boyfriend showed up. She wanted to introduce me to him which makes it even more awkward. But just to be a man about it, I got up and just met the guy. I let them have their talk alone so I just stood back waiting. After the guy left, we both went back into the coffee shop. She later told me she is going to go home with her ex boyfriend and asked if I was okay with it. I was upset but told her I was okay because i didnt want to seem so dramatic in a public coffee shop. She knew I was a bit upset about her ditching me for her ex boyfriend. It just shows she would rather choose her ex boyfriend over me.So I don't know where I stand in this situation. and What if she text me back to apologize? Should I forgive her? I wont even know what to say to her. Any suggestions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): You said you were being a pillar and offering support. She was clear and honest about the fact she was still hung-up on her past two boyfriends; and took you up on your word that you were just being a friend.Mean what you say, and say only what you truly mean.You tried to get closer than friendship, and you were waiting for a slight vulnerability to angle your way in. That never happened. You inadvertently set yourself up. Her exes could have shown up anytime, and she would have to show them there was nothing going on between you. She is playing herself into a corner. She's also dangling you on a string. She knows you like her. These guys know she demands a lot of attention. She's a bit of a player. You shouldn't sink your feelings in too deep.Find another girl. Sometimes we want most what we can't have. She likes only the attention; and she's playing you along. She's got too many guys competing for her, and you'll look like a fool. Find yourself a nice single and available girl. Let her drown in her conceit and selfishness. However; she did tell you she wasn't over the other guys. There is no rope or chain around your neck.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 October 2013):
 technically, she hasn't done anything wrong, as she has been more than honest with you that she is only looking for a friend. she was very straight forward that her ex is still in the picture and she is having a hard time getting over him. which is much better than her jumping into something with you, only to have her dump you or cheat on you when he keeps popping back up. so props to her for honesty.
now, on to you. you have two options:
1. either learn to become her FRIEND and truly be her friend, without expectations of her eventually being with you. therefore, these types of situations won't hurt or bother you.
2. cut contact and stop talking to her until you only see her as a friend.
i understand you like her a lot, therefore, this situation really hurts. i'm really sorry for that. but since she is clearly not looking to be with you, as her primary focus is on her ex, you need to take care of yourself.
stop waiting around for her. she knows you are on the back burner and can have you any time she wants. women take advantage of this. don't be that guy. either be her friend or move on. hell, it may even make her like you even more.
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A
male
reader, elwhy +, writes (17 October 2013):
elwhy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you my friends, and you're right I am completely friend-zoned i beleive. So Ill just move on and search for other hot girls on campus.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): Yip, sadly you are in the friend-zone!
Even though he is her ex, she is not over him and puts him first over you - her friend.
Move on. If being her friend is too hard (and it sounds like it) then quit contact and seek new horizons ;-)
If she asks you what is wrong - tell her you tried to be her friend only while you helped her through her problems but you realise you have feelings for her and it hurts too much to just be her friend so you have to end the friendship for your own wellbeing. Then you don't have to "forgive" her for anything, let her be.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 October 2013):
 Let's go through your last paragraph: You write:
"I don't know where I stand in this situation. and What if she text me back to apologize? Should I forgive her? I wont even know what to say to her. Any suggestions?"
1. She likes her ex- more than you.... so you are in "second place."
2. So what (if she apologizes)???
3. No.
4. "Nothing," comes to mind.
5. Forget this girl and let the ex- have her. You will find a much BETTER special girlfriend.... without much effort.... (You can't do any WORSE than this impolite woman!)....
Good luck... and STUDY HARD!!!!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 October 2013):
 She is not into you. Stop waiting for something that will not happen and if it does you will be her second choice. She is still hung up on her ex and does not appear to want to let it go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2013):
 I think you should stop pretending to be her friend when that is not what you really want to be.
She doesn't see you as a suitor or potential BF and she is still so hung up on her exes.
I think in other words, you have been friend-zoned, my man.
Either BE a friend only and look for another girl to DATE or let this friendship run it's course and find another girl to DATE.
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