A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncle'sI really need some advice here and fast before I go nuts.I have been with my BF for 7 months now and I am so in love with him, and he tells me he feels the same. we moved in together and everything is going great except for two things.1) he deletes all his texts and keeps his phone with him at all times, when before I never used to mind but now he takes it everywhere even the shower, so I have become very paranoid. as I have been cheated on in the past. when I spoke to him about this he gets very upset almost argumentative telling me to stop this, he wouldn't cheat as this has happened to him before and that he cant lie that's just not him, yet when I say " then why do you delete all your texts and take your phone everywhere" he says he listens to music in the shower, yet I never here the music playing. he tells me I have got to stop being paranoid and start trusting him or it wont work. am I being paranoid, could he be telling the truth here, am I over reacting? 2) he left his flat to live with me, yet he wont give the flat up, I have the keys but I think he has a spare, its a council flat so not his per say. I said its silly he keep paying for a flat that his not staying in, and that the money could be spent on better things , if he feels that we might not work out then why not go back to the flat , he said of course he don't think that, its just in the future he would like to buy it and rent it out. the only thing in the flat is a bed sofa tv and kitchen things I e cooker etc etc . The reason I have the keys is because I go to check on it for him from time to time, but only when he asks me to meet him there. so now I cant help feeling like his up to something all the time. I don't want this to end or push him away, but im afraid it will if I don't stop getting moody and upset every time he gets a text or says why don't you stay home today babe you deserve a rest give me the keys and ill go flat. I have met his family, and they love me to bits he is very very close to his mum, they go off talking for a while when I go over there and before I used to think that was cool to be like that, now I think is he seeing someone else and does she know about it and that's what they talk about..... see what I mean im going crazy now my mind is on overload and this started when he started keeping his phone with him!!! so please advice would be great right now thanks in advance
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 October 2013):
 Not sure about the phone thing but the fact he still keeps his own place suggests that he hasn't made up his mind completely that he wants to stay committed to you. He may also keep the place on incase he meets someome else...and that might be what is going on with the phone???...Just a theory!!
I agree with everyone else...play it out but keep your wits about you!!
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (17 October 2013):
 did he just start doing this with his phone? or was he always doing it? you said before, you never used to mind. if this is new behavior and out of character, than it's possible something is up. or was he always like this but you didn't pay any attention?
either way, i would honestly try to calm down a bit. your mind is most certainly on over-load. if he's never given you a legit reason not to trust him, like coming home late or not being where he says he is (basic lies), then i would try to let this go.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (17 October 2013):
 Yes this has alarm bells going off.
I know a story of One guy who literally ran in the toilet away from his girlfriend,
with his phone "pretending" he was playing games with the phone.She believed him but later saw the truth. He was busy in the toilet messaging his other girlfriends. He also refused to give up his flat.
Look the truth is he wont be honest to you. The more you push him for answers the more he gets annoyed with you. Possibility is that he is lying.
If you feel you cant trust him, then be on ALERT. BE PREPARED. LET IT PLAY OUT. KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (17 October 2013):
 Keeping the phone with him at all times is suspicious, but it could be many possibilities. Yes an affair is one, or maybe he's into some kind of illegal business...who knows. I agree with Sageoldguy. Let it play out and see what happens. The truth will soon emerge. If your instincts are telling you that he's up to something, then maybe think of hiring a private investigator. I wish I had done this with my ex husband. It would have saved me a lot of money in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): You're going to have to trust him, not control so much, or you risk losing him.My boyfriend has a password on his cellphone so that if it's stolen it can't be used, as he had a previous one stolen. He also has it with him all the time, as do I, and I never check. Live your life, if he chooses to text someone on the sly in the toilet, then he isn't deserving of you, and eventually the truth will come out, it always does. As for the flat he has still kept - it's his choice, and the buying and renting out could be a financially good option. Don't worry if he goes there or not, or when. If someone is a cheater, they will do it anywhere - a car, where they work, a public place or toilet, their home, your home - get the picture? where there is a will, there is a way. So all you can do is set them free, if they stay, they are yours, if not, they were never yours to begin with.I too used to be very scared and want to check everything, because I was lied and cheated on, however, you can't take that with you to the next relationship as your distrust will eventually push that new person away. Apologise, set him free to be, and stop checking where his phone is, where he takes it, what he does with it, just leave it. As for the flat, let him check on it, and focus on YOU. Your life, your enjoyment of things, with him. You will get happier, and in turn, be happier around him too.If and when you get too many red flags to ignore, THAT is when you listen to your inner voice and check/verify. Not when you're being paranoid or under pms. Only when too many red flags to ignore show up and you would be a fool to ignore all the signs. Check his actions, how does he treat you? Check his words - do they tie up with what he does? Are you more happy with him, than without him? These will all help you make decisions.Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 October 2013):
 I "hear" all the alarms that you do... .as well..
However, in fairness to him (and - in a peculiar way - to you) you have to let this play out. After all, you wouldn't want to terminate a potentially-good relationship based on just what you've posted, herein....
That said,... I applaud you for having YOUR's be the address that you and he keep..... since that let's you have a "level playing field" in the event that matters unfold in an undesireable manner....
However (No 2).... it's odd that he keeps his old address, as well....
Good luck....
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