A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had feelings for a woman but they were not reciprocated. It has taken a long time to come to terms with this and to understand that it wasn't about me, about me being rejected it was about her and what she wanted or doesn't want from life. She says that she doesn't want anything like that with any one and it's just her and her kids. I respect that. We like and respect each other. However, if she is around it seems all my time and attention is on her. I have noticed quite a few times that when I am in the company of other women and I am laughing and joking with them she will say it do something to get my attention and I end spending time on her. I don't thinkI am imagining this but I can't trust my gut feeling around her. I honestly do not know what I should do? Should I walk away or accept this is what she had to do and get on with my life in regards to finding someone to be with? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 If she is a single mother then I am sure she has been through it all before and just doesn't want to get hurt or have the hassle around her kid/s.
She may very much enjoy your company but just doesn't want to commit to anything more, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't care - she might care enough not to see anyone else with you, but cares more about her children or personal situation over the way she may or may not feel for you.
If you want to hang in there and see if it goes anywhere in the long run, then don't give her all the attention, but don't give attention to others, either - you are giving mixed signals that way.
If you do want to see someone, that isn't her, then you will have to limit time you spend with her so that you don't rub this in her face and so that the person you do see isn't put off by the "relationship" you have with this woman.
If you want to put yourself out of your misery now, then the best thing to do is just to put it all out there, lay it on the line and make or break it. You may lose her as a friend all together, but at least you won't spend the rest of your life waiting around or wondering what-if.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2014):
 She might not WANT to be with you, but she doesn't LIKe to share your attentions with another woman. And THAT is HER issue.
IF you are aware of this then DO NOT cater to her. YOU er allowed to talk to other women, to joke around have fun and get to know someone else.
Personally, I would minimize the contact you have with her. If there are social events where you can't avoid her, then just be polite, but it doesn't mean she OWNS your attention.
If you want a relationship SHE isn't it.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (8 June 2014):
 Hello,
She has told you where you stand. She doesn't want to be with anyone right now, and probably that stems form hurt or insecurities from past experiences. Maybe she has had relationships which have hurt her and hurt her children. perhaps she wants to concentrate on bring up her kids rather than relationships? Who knows, but the fact is she does not want to have a relationship with you. She may decide in the future to start dating again, but its unlikely to be with you.
As for her attention seeking, that is the classic sign of insecurity. My brother is very insecure and that manifests itself in the form of attention seeking. When he lived at home with me and my parents, he would sing, whistle, bang about ANYTHING to get attention. If we didn't comply with his attention seeking he would strip to the waist and parade around the house flexing his muscles.
Sounds like this woman is the same. She doesn't want to be with you, but she wants attention, and feels insecure when you talk to anyone else. If you are looking for love and a relationship, you need to look elsewhere. She is making it clear that you are not the one for her, while simultaneously stopping you from moving on by turning to you for her attention seeking. When you are in her company it is no longer a two way exchange, she is taking over and feeding her ego.
Mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): I suggest you communicate with her about how you really feel for her. Do you really want to have a relationship with a single mom? These are the things that goes thru her mind, although she likes you but she have kids to consider or other stuff to consider. Its easy to like a person but just because u want them, not everyone are ready to take a chance and bet. Based on your story i can say she liked to have all your attention because she likes you. However she have more serious issues to think of.
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