A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone! I am a long time lurker of this website. anyway, my question is-a few months ago, my friend M started inviting me to hang out wiht a group of people who she si good friends with - they are from our school but i am not as close with them as she is. one of the guys there, s, we both think he is cute and we both kind of talk about him and how we think he is cute, sort of help each other out kind of when we are out with him (like she will say, s, go sit with her! and then wink at me) and it was just like a joke for us - sort of. they used to text and she thought he liked her, but she always said she really didn't like him backa dn just enjoyed the attention. anyway, one day, he asked her for my number - and she refused. it made him angry so he asked me directly, and i, having no knowledge of the fact that she didn't want me to have his number, said sure, and gave it to him. we started texting and i told her because i thought i should - i mean she's my best friend, and it would be weird if she just found out and then she would get mad at me for not telling her before.but then, she asked me to stop talking to him and remove him from my contacts. i refused, saying it was rude, and she seemed mad but for the enxt few days she was fine around me - albeit a little quiet. i figured she'll get over it, and besides, she shouldn't have introduced us if she didn't want us to become friends. i didn't want to stop talking to him just because of her because i thought that would make her feel like she has power over me and can make me do things i don't want to.well, after a few days she exploded. i texted her asking how are you and she ignored that and said how's s? and i tried to keep it light, i just asid that we didn't talk much so i wouldn't know. she freaked out at me and told me that they stopped talking because of me and taht i destroyed their friendship... which i didn't! he got angry that she refused to give him my number, and when he confronted her she became very rude and he didn't like that so i guess they stopped talking. i told her that if she didn't want us to talk, she should have told me when he asked for my number, and i would not have given it to him later out of respect for her wishes (although tbh it isn't any of her business.)i apologised (..for what, i don'tk now) just because i wanted us not to fight. she was growing increasingly rude. this was over text. normally, i call people on the phone if we have to 'fight' or talk to thme in person because i know people get all riled up and overconfident and bitchy over text. but i couldnt call because i had guests so... yeah i just texted. i apologised and told her let's not fight and i thought our friendship is worth more than a dumb boy. but she really WOULD NOT stop and i offered to remove him for my contacts for her, but only if she told me straihgt up and honestly. she said 'do waht you want' and i thought fine then i won't remove him from my contacts, but she still wouldn't stop fighting with me so i thought oh hell, the only way out of this is to just remove him. impulsively i removed him from my contacts. i didn't want to but i did it for our friendship.but now i knnow that she isnt the friend i thought she was... and i've lost him as a friend too i guess (and maybe we could have been something more, his friend told me he liked me) and for the past few days it has been bothering me. he's dating someone else, but i jsut hate not being friends with people and i want to talk to him again at least to apologise - he was so sweet to me the whole time; he told me that if M fights with me, i should tell him and blah blah he was just a really really nice guy and i really liked him. but when i removed him from my contacts, he didn't say anything (obviously) and neither did i because i was scared that M would find out and create a bigger fight... also because i know that he told her something i said; he told me taht if she freaks out at me, i could remove him because he didn't want to come in between our friendship. i replied saying that that's really sweet of him, but nothing more because i had to do some work. he showed her that apparently and now i am scared that what if he tells her if i speak to him again?M and i are still friends. 'friends.' i wish we could be real friends but i know that she has always had a little something against me... people say she is jealous and insecure, and the thing is that that makes me sad. she's a beautiful girl with nothing to be insecure about. and it makes me feel evern worse that she didn't value ourr friendship enough to let this hapen. and even after all i have done for her - i know she still doesn't like me much.i would just go ahead and talk to S, but i'm scared she'll find out and we will never be friends again at ALL. (but i also don't want to live the rest of my life feeling guilty that i stopped speaking to him just because of her insecurities.) i hate conflict, i really do. to be honest we would have solved the problem if she hadn't texted me and just called; i'm not as wimpy on the phone and i stand up for myself better. but circumstances didn't allow that...now i don't know what to do! doing nothing seems to be the best option, but it still eats away at me. any ideas? thanks!
View related questions:
best friend, insecure, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ohbabycakesxx  +, writes (30 May 2013):
Honestly, I don't think you want a friend like that. It sounds to me like she was just being nice and courteous in front of him when she introduced the two of you, but she had no intent on having you two become friends. She might have liked him and been jealous that he liked you, or maybe she liked his attention. Either way, she's blaming you for her own insecurities.I understand you two were friends for a while, but if she continuously does this, I suggest you drop her and find other friends to hang out with. Also, it's not fair to you and S because she's like that, so I suggest you two get talking again. Who cares if she gets angry. A true friend wouldn't get upset at you like that, even IF she did like him. A true friend would get sad, yes, maybe jealous, but wouldn't blow up on you because HE doesn't like HER. You know?
|
