A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The woman I've been dating for the last year and a half told me about 2 months ago she was going to a concert with some friends. I had asked her if she wanted to go with me, but she said she had already planned going with some friends. I said "OK", and never thought any more about it. The concert is this weekend. I just found out last night that the "friends" was one guy friend. . . and that he just emailed her to tell her that he couldn't go with her but that he was going to give her the two tickets. She doesn't know I know. She called me tonight. I asked her if all of her friends got their tickets. She said, "Yeah, we got them. They were exspensive." That was all that was said. She never mentioned anything about having a ticket, nor did she ask me if I was going. She just changed the subject.I think I'm being played. Anyone disagree? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (19 April 2007):
 The one thing we "seem" to know for sure is this, she didn't give you all the facts. Since I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, I'm not sure why she would do this. Are you controlling? Either way, it sounds like she was less than honest. If she said friends, the plural form of the word, were going, then she lied.(unless plans changed) I think in most relationships though, don't we usually share information about who we go out with etc. If my wife told me she going out to see a play with friends, I'd ask who. Not for any reason other than wondering. It's what we do.
Furthermore, if my partner was making plans to go out with a member of the opposite sex, I wouldn't be pleased. If they worked together and went out for lunch, or something like that, that's understandable. But, if my wife was making plans for outings, in mixed groups, not inviting me, leaving out information, I'd be offended. If she was going out with a group of females, I'd think nothing of it. People don't lie or hold back information for nothing, unless of course, as I said, you're controlling. That still wouldn't justify lying but could explain it.
As for reading her emails, if she sent it to you by accident....WHOOPS...you're entitled to do with that as you please. That's not snooping !!! My motto is this...if you snoop and find something out about the other person and their crime is much worse than yours (snooping), the other person doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. Example...I look in my neighbours car because I see him jump out of his car wearing a mask and carrying a gun. I see a bag of stolen money from a bank robbery. Who's worse, me for looking in his car window or him for robbing the bank????? Sometimes we snoop for a reason. It's not good but understandable when we sense something is wrong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
The reason I know about the email, she accidently (I assume) forwarded it to my email address. She normally forwards emails she gets at work to her home email address, but for some reason, she forwarded this one to me. She might have been busy and not paying attention (it might have been a Freudian slip).
She called again this evening (about two hours after the first call) and said that the "person" she was going to the concert with had to cancel out. She wanted to know if I wanted to go in "this person's" place. I told her that I'd go. I didn't mention anything about who the "person" is. I've met him. He's someone who (according to her) she used to go to concerts with before she met me that she calls "her friend", so I wasn't that concerned. I don't think there is a romantic link. There may have been at one time. I don't know. It just bothered me that she agreed to go with him in the first place without thinking that I might like to go. . . and she felt the need to hide it from me and say she was going with "her friends".
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (19 April 2007):
It sounds like she has something to hide - although I must say, I don't approve of you reading her e mails - that's not a nice thing to do, and if you read things you're not supposed to, you may find out things you don't like.
If you wanted to go to the concert, you should get tickets yourself and arrange to go with a mate.
Then you could say to her: why don't we travel there together / home afterwards?
If you have been dating for 1.5 years, you probably know most of her friends - ask her, innocently, who she's going with, how are they, etc etc?
If she is evasive or clams up, you could say: "is something wrong? I'm sensing you don't want to talk to me about who you're going with. Do I have anything to worry about?" and see what she says.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): How did you find out? Do you know for sure? and if you've read her emails she will be really pissed. Even if she is playing the field, don't invade her privacy that is what a parent does when they read their daughter's diary etc...it doesn't bode well. If you want closure, and you don't want to spend the next x months wondering if she is indeed going to the store etc, checking her cell phone, or trying to catch her out, then ask her outright. Tell her very casually who is this man and just tell her to be decent and tell the truth? Don't freak out, it will just give you your answer. I know you've got a relationship with this woman, but clearly she doesn't with you, if your suspicions are correct. If she gets angry immediately it is usually a terrible tell-tale sign of guilt. I would know, my ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly. He always got really angry, rather than genuinely upset that I thought such a thing of him. He always became defensive and never looked me in the eye and always then tried to blame me with why are you asking me this...again. Rather than answering the question. Hope that gives you a bit of insight.
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