A
male
age
36-40,
*chellmer87
writes:I have been with the same girlfriend on and off for almost five yesars. We have been "seperated" for almost a year and she has wanted to be back with me but I had alot of problems and just couldnt get myself to go back to her. Even though I see myself with this girl forever and she is the love of my life. She now has decided that she needed space and she partied some and liked it and says she wants to be single. At first she told me she loved me and that I didnt need to worry about other guys and she still saw us together in the end. We even talked about living together and she wanted all the same things I did. Just not right now. But I have been WAY to pushy. I knew I was doing it but no that she has left me I have realized what I really care about and she is the only girl that I ever want to be with. I love her so MUCH! But over the past few weaks I havent given her space and I have been to pushy. I admit it. She now will not tell me she loves me or that she see us together. SHe says that she doesnt want to give me hope and then have me crushed if it doesnt work out. She says there is no one else but she truelly wants to know what its like to be single and if other guys ask her she wants to know what its like to date other people. She doesnt want to regret not doing it. She says she is not looking for a boyfriend, but it just eats me up to think of her dating someone else. That is the first step to a boyfriend. I truelly believe her when she says there is no one else right now. I know her and she would say if there was. But I am lost. I dont know what to do. I dont know if she has fallin out of love with me or if she just really needs space still and still see's us together in the end. I keep telling myself I have just made her mad so she is saying things that go against what she said at the start of all this. She tells me that I need to get it together and move on in case somthing doesnt happen later on. But I dont want to move on from her. I dont want to be with another girl the way I am with her. Does she still love me? Does she still want to work things out? Have I just pushed her? Im lost i need help. I love her more than anything in this world! Any comments or words of encouragement would help. Im really hurting here.God Bless.
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female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Hi there, i will try to help you as much as i can here,this is a difficult situation for you i understand.
First off, try not to beat yourself up over the fact that you were not ready when she wanted to get back, you had problems to deal with and were not ready, that was the correct decision to make and just proved how mature you were. Sometimes people need to sort out their own problems before they can go and give to someone else, so please dont dwell on this to much, you were right to do this.
It naturally to feel you were pushy, but i think this was a result that you were scared of losing her and you did everything in your power to hold onto her. Sometimes i am sorry to say if a person wants to go, there is nothing in this world you can do to stop them. I know this is hard for you but it will get better, is better to let her see what the single life is like, or she will regret it later, i think you should also go out and be with your friends and try to enjoy your younger years, do stuff that makes your happy and cheers you up.
You are both young, i believe you both care for each other but have you ever heard the saying 'if you love someone, let them go and if there ment for you they will come back' i belive this.
My advice to you is Give her the space she is looking for, i know you care for her, but it the only way for now, who knows, maybe in the future she will see that you are the one for her, but at the moment she is unsure and needs to do this in order to clear her head.
This is nothing you have done, understand this, this is something that she needs to get out of her system, i dont believe she is mad at you. time will tell whether or not you both are ment to be together.
Try to keep busy, find lots of good things to do. Meet other people you will see there is a whole world out there.
In time, the hurt feelings will get better it may not seem like that to you at the moment but it will honest i know i have had my heart broken in the past and it does get better. I know you feel like you will never be with anyone else, but there are alot of lovely people out there and there maybe someone else just around the corner just as nice.
Give yourself time and try to be strong, have good people around you to help you if you are feeling upset.
It would be good for both of you now to take some breathing space,i know it doesnt feel that way now and you believe nothing else matters but it does, you will see, i promise you this.
I hope this helps you, email me privately again if you want to talk or need me to clarify things for you.
Take care and god bless you.
xx
A
female
reader, deejayz  +, writes (22 July 2008):
I don't know if this will help at all, but I am a woman in exactly the same position as your girlfriend. After a 4 year relationship - for the last year we have, on and off, been on a "break" - I just can't work out my feelings for my partner. He is the man I love most in the world, I can't picture being with somebod else, but, at the same time, I need to figure out who I am "outside" of the relationship... You know, we are all individuals, being in a relationship does not define who we are... Maybe your girl just needs to figure out who she is, apart from you... Take it as a compliment - you are so wrapped up in her identity - her very being - she can't at this stage even think about what SHE wants, what she IS - that is, as an individual - apart from you... I asked my boyfriend for space to figure out who I am, what I want, outside of the relationship, and he gave me that space. And you know what, after a couple of months, knowing I have the "freedom" to do whatever I want, I have discovered that I actually don't WANT to be with anyone else! You HAVE to give her this space to make a decision, as an individual. And yeah, it is a MAJOR risk, but giving her that freedom makes you look like an incredibly attractive prospect, when it comes to the crunch... Right now, she doesn't even have the opportunity to make a decision. You have already made the decision for her, because, right now, she is not even considering you as a life-partner - she is thinking of you as a over-smothering, love-sick man, who is bent on denying her need for freedom, for individuality. Give her space, man, I promise she will appreciate it. And you know what? It IS a risk - you CAN'T manipulate the outcome... so I am not saying that, giving her the freedom, she will probably come back to you... not at all... in fact, she may well choose to NOT be with you... But then you need to take a leaf out of her book! Ask youself: who am I outside of this relationship? Surely I - my life as a whole - is worth more than the judgement of one other person on this planet? Surely I am special enough, in myself, to deserve to be loved, soulfully and whole-heartedly by someone who sees me for who I am? And you know what? Nobody can love you for who you are, until you love YOURSELF for who you are.... If she decides to go on without you - so what? If you love yourself, if you know your own self-worth, you won't wrap your ENTIRE identity around her judgement of your relationship... you are more than this, man... come on, get a grip - we're all just trying to make our way through life, no other person can make your life more "worthwhile"... So seriously, take a leaf out of her book - learn that the most important relationship in your life is with YOURSELF. And I promise you, you will attract someone who deserves you, in all your shining glory. And SHE - the one you're pining over - she should be so lucky!!
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A
female
reader, Typical'Ox +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Maybe you should just leave her for like two weeks or so so you can think about things and clear you head. Its obvious you love this girl, and she probabley does love you too. All you need to do is give each other space, your both very young still, go out and live life, do things that you always wanted to do first. Like traveling or something. Then when you guys have finished being "free" go and talk together and tell eachother how you feel. But before you do this, tell her so she is aware that you need to be free too and its not just her going out and having fun, maybe she will begin to miss you.
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