A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everyone. I'd like to share a little story with you of something that may of been the final nail in the coffin of my serious, long distance relationship of 2 years and 13 separate meetings.Some of you may remember that my ex was booked to go on holiday to Spain with her friends back in late June. Here's something that happened just 1 week before she went away, and just a few days shy of our break up.She contacted me that evening to ask if I was ok if she slept in the same bed as her male friend. This friend, she has known for 7 years and believes he is gay, despite the fact that he says otherwise.At first, I said "no" straight away. Then she began saying about how it's just due to sleeping arrangements (a lot of friends were going, all of whom were staying in 2 rooms between them all) and that I should know nothing is going to happen.Do you think this was fair of her to ask? She saw nothing wrong with what she was asking of me. At the end of the conversation, I was left with the attitude that "If there was really no other way around it, then fine" but I was left a little uncertain.Later that night, I ended up mentioning it to my parents, and they went ballistic. They were furious that she would ask me something like that, and just as furious that I said she could do what she asked. They thought that she was VERY "Disrespectful" to ask what she did of me.I spoke to her later on that night, and it all seemed to be downhill from there. She continued to see nothing wrong with what she asked, and (after I spoke to my parents) I could in some way. In the days that followed, she seemed very quiet and a little short with me, and then a few days later, she broke things off in tears over the phone.I completely trusted my girlfriend, but I have some issues left over from this situation that happened nearing the end of it all. Surely there was no right I could do from such a question? On the one hand I could say "Yes, ok" and let another guy sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend, or I could say "No"; prevent another man sleeping with my girlfriend and then make her feel untrusted.What do you guys think?
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just noticed I didn't answer Justaguy.
Yeh, it was good of her to ask in some ways, but in other ways I think it was very stupid. I mean, maybe I should have been more trusting, but after all, he's still another guy, and she was my girlfriend. Plus a lot of drinking took place on the holiday, so if you go to bed drunk with somebody, things maybe could have got silly.
Even though we broke up before she went, she still tells me that she didn't sleep with him and I believe her. He wasn't a friend of mine really, but I was cool with him. He seemed like an ok guy. Just another one of her friends. But all the same, would it have been right to let her know that it was ok for her to sleep in the same bed as this guy?
As Lenii said "What's done is done" but I still wish I knew what the right thing would have been:
Let her sleep with this friend or not? Either way I felt like I lost something. I'm starting to think my parents overreacted, but at the same time, they still had a good point! Grrr! I know this is over, but it still makes me think!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): leave it now mate. whats done is done. if it wasnt over this i think you would have broken up later anyway. dont worry too much over it. if you werent comfortable with it and she didnt care then obviously somethings up. sorry you broke up but im sure you'll find some1 else. may i suggest a close-distant relationship this time. good luck =D
XxXxX
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (4 August 2007):
Hey andy,
I think it was good of your ex to ask, imagine you'd found out later and she had'nt have said anything - surely that would have been worse. The fact she asked meant she knew this might upset you and knew she meant a lot to you.
So did she actually sleep in the bed then?
Although I know where your coming from, I would feel uncomfortable about it too. It would depend on how well I knew the other guy, if I trusted them and it purely was down to having to cram people in a room then I guess I'd just have to trust them.
Is the guy a friend of yours too?
If you still have issues with it i'd just be up front and ask. If she acuses you of not trusting her then ask why she broke it off with you and explain your position (she sleeps in anothers guys bed and then rings you in tears wanting to break up, I'm sure any guy would be a little concerned!)
Speak to her if you must, you'll drive yourself mad pondering over it! but thats just me.
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