A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a married woman for about 8 months. I’m a single male. She decided to stay with her hubby. I do love this gal and have for years before this started. I love talking with her. We have weekend places very close to each other. This is the only place I would ever see her since we live in different towns.Before we got done talking on the phone, she asked if we would still talk as much, I didn’t say much but somewhere she got the Idea of once a week. She didn’t like that even though I never said it. She wants to talk more often. My questions are 1.What happens if we still talk all of the time? 2. Why would she still want to talk? 3. What do I do about the times we see each other without romance and how do I deal with dinners when her and hubby are around the common area with others having dinners as a group which in the past I was involved with? 4. She also still says she loves me, why and what is with that? The trouble is I still love her and for some crazy reason still want her. I'm trying to find away to put thing back to before we started seeing each other. The only other option is for me to sell my weekend place. I hope it doesn't get to that point a lot of people depend on me for help just to get by.
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male
reader, Lost For Words +, writes (9 July 2019):
I have been in your shoes. I was in love with someone who is married. 2 years before she was married and 2 years while she was married. I tried walking out plenty of times and would say she wanted best of both worlds. I would also claim she would never leave her husband for me. Well the day came and she chose her husband over me. The whole i love you, my soulmate, best friend, love feeling ended within a heartbeat. Now i am crushed and i do not know what happen or what will happened to their marriage. I could have ended it but in all honestly i probably saved it because now she will fix any flaws she had for her marriage. you dont want to be like me and ruin a marriage, yet alone you dont want to be like me who feels like they saved their marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): The main question you need to ask yourself is why do you want to attach yourself this way to someone who is already taken?
This isn't a healthy situation. Are you afraid to have a real relationship out in the open with someone who will be with only you without all the lies?
The longer you let it go on the more damage you will do to yourself and to their marriage. If you don't feel any guilt for sleeping with someone else's wife at least think of yourself. What you are doing is devious and wrong, and the main person who will be hurt here is yourself.
You deserve to have someone who will put you first.
I think it is possible to love more than one person, but you have to keep that love as a friendship only when you already have a partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the help. This is a great advice and support site.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, I should have given you readers the previous history.I’m seeing a married woman, should I give her more time or should I leave?I have known this gal for about 5-6 years she is married I’m not. I have had feelings for her since then, the past several years I have been in love with her. She is ten years older than me so say 40-50. We started being together about 8 months ago. I told her how I felt shortly after we started. Everyone that knows both of us could and can also see how I feel. She has told me that she has talked a lot about me before we got together. We both even remember the first time we saw each other. When we first started, she said that I should get a girlfriend so we would be even. She changed her tune when I said I would. She knows I am a man that usually does what I say. Why would she want me to have a girlfriend? We both have two residences sometimes, she says it would be happier if she didn’t come around. The truth is I look for her even when I know she won’t be there. When we can’t be together we spend a lot of time on the phone, she lives several hundred miles away. We try to at least to see each other every 2-3 weeks. She loves the way I touch her in the littlest ways, I asked her sometime ago what she would keep about us if she could keep only one thing. She said the cuddling. She says she likes my natural smell when I hug her it drives her crazy. What is with that? She says she loves me but also loves him. Is it truly possible to be in love with two men at one time? She thinks that if she was single I wouldn’t want her anymore. Her analogy is that you want what you can’t have. Not true in my case I love and have loved her for years. Crazy but true. I have told her I will be there for her. I’m already there any time she calls rarely does she need to leave a message. If she does I call her back within an hour or so. I know that she is worried about what her friends and family would think, her kids are grown and gone. She’s also worried about money. She’s not too bad with money where she is at, but even there she worries about it. I have asked her if she loves me enough she said probably not. How can I get her to choose me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): I think it is likely she does still love you, but breaking up a marriage (with kids?) and tossing her comfort zone aside for something new just scares her too much. I think she is being honest with you, she is just currently too scared to act on her feelings for you. Maybe she doesn't realize how staying in contact may be harder for her emotionally than she thinks.
I would say go out and date other women, if you are comfortable keeping in contact with her then do, who knows what the future will bring, but you would be wise to keep your options open.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Dude, you're her bit on the side, no matter how many sweet and sincere heart felt words she says in your ear, fact is, the hard truth is, she's with her husband, not you, and she's not going to give her husband up for you. We only live one life, why live it on someone else's terms, wasting your life waiting for someone who is using you?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 January 2011):
 If you like riding around in her back pocket, then by all means carry on. But if you would like to find someone to snuggle with on those cold winter nights then tell her to talk to the hand and move on.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 The reason she chose her husband but still wants you on the side lines is because she's getting the best of both worlds! Whenever her husband isn't paying her enough attention, whenever they row or things become boring for her she's always got you to turn to for an ego boost.
This isn't fair to you and it's certainly not fair to her poor unsuspecting husband! Stay away from this woman. Don't talk on the phone and don't be her back up plan any longer! Get some self respect and find a decent (and single!) woman who will treat you with respect.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I am sorry you are feeling such pain, it isn't a nice place to be when you love someone and it doesn't work, but that is the risk you take when you are the 3rd party.
You say she chose to stay with her husband... surely that should be enough evidence to make you realise that she isn't the one for you... don't make do with second best!
I have answered your questions how I feel fit, and hope they help a little.
1.What happens if we still talk all of the time?
Then there is no chance of you ever getting over her,
you will continue hoping that one day she will be with
you.
2. Why would she still want to talk?
Because she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want
anyone else to have you either... and if for some
reason her marriage doesn't workout, she will be able
to hook up with you. Have her cake and eat it comes to
mind.
3. What do I do about the times we see each other without romance and how do I deal with dinners when her and hubby are around the common area with others having dinners as a group which in the past I was involved with?
It is impossible for you to meet up for dinners etc if you have feelings like you do for her. It will just eat away at you, and it is cruel of her to suggest such a thing. Plus she isn't being loyal to her husband. I suggest you find somewhere else to eat where you won't bump in to them.
4. She also still says she loves me, why and what is with that?
She may still do, but at the end of the day, she obviously loves her husband more. If you really want to be with someone so much, you will do anything to achieve it even if it does break a few hearts in the process.
However, right now, your heart is the only one that is seriously breaking. I really do think its for the best that you cut off completely from this woman and start afresh.. time is a great healer... trust me! You will look back one day and realise it was a sensible move... you will meet someone one day and this woman will just be a distant memory.
I sincerely wish you well!
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