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male
age
41-50,
*etrayed Libra
writes: My girlfriend cheated on me once, a week after we got together. She says it was only sex and doesn't know what got into her. She says it didn't mean a thing. She's been very open about it, apologetic, and has since then fallen in love with me as I am with her. I decided to stay with her even after what she did. Will I ever forget? Even though things are so perfect with us now, I can't help but have recurring thoughts of betrayal and anger for what she did to me. I feel like I'm bending my own rules and values to be with someone that was unfaithful to me. Can I truly be happy with her in the future knowing what she did to me? Is there love after cheating? I love her... but will that be enough to get over this and still be happy?
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male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Yes, it will always hurt, but cheating causes much more than just hurt.
Cheating affects people in different ways, so it is impossible really to ascertain a definitive answer. For instance, I was cheated on by a person who I initially trusted with my life. I was cheated on sexually, early in the relationship and finished with her instantly. After this happened, she came to realise that the thought of losing me was unbearable and swore that she would never do it again if I took her back. I knew that she was in contact with this guy and even went as far as hiring a private detective. I was eventually provided with voice recording and photographs of her in sexual engagement with this guy.
Over time, I started to forgive, but I knew I would NEVER be able to forget. These images were in my mind all the time and there were times I just wanted to give up on the relationship. Then we started becoming stronger as time went on. I thought I was over what had happened, until she cheated yet again, although still not in a sexual way.
We had an argument about a trivial issue and she assumed I had finished with her. Next morning, a guy asked her on a date and she accepted. She has still not even kissed this guy (been almost a week) yet, but I am more hurt at this form of cheating than I was at her sleeping with somebody.
I do not know why I feel this way, but I know that I could never put myself in the position to be hurt again.
I used to think that cheating can eventually bring a couple even closer over time. Now I would never take back a cheater, because the pain and thoughts that go through your head are unimaginable. And even proving very difficult to live with.
I feel I was cheated out of happiness and prolonged life. I am currently not in good health and the pain that this has caused has really made me consider just how much longer I can deal with it. I have never suffered so much in my life as I am currently. I am contemplating a move abroad for a 'cure' to my problems, something that is illegal in many countries. The patient must be suffering unimaginable pain through terminal illness to even be considered.
To be cheated on once is soul destroying, to be cheated on twice....is too painful to deal with.
I would advise againt taking back a cheat, the suffering destroys you inside.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 December 2006):
 The answer i beieve is yes,
It will always be in the back of your mind, but it will fade, honestly. People make mistakes, were human. Give her the benifit of the doubt, and see what happens. If she shows no sign of doing this again, then let it go. You can after a while learn to trust again, and rebuild your relationship. Be very carefull not to show you dont trust her, she may think its not worth bothering with it all. That dosn't meen let her walk all over you, just try not to bring it all up to often, especially in an argument.
Im sure it will all be ok in the end, things take time XX
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 December 2006):
The answer i beieve is yes,
It will always be in the back of your mind, but it will fade, honestly. People make mistakes, were human. Give her the benifit of the doubt, and see what happens. If she shows no sign of doing this again, then let it go. You can after a while learn to trust again, and rebuild your relationship. Be very carefull not to show you dont trust her, she may think its not worth bothering with it all. That dosn't meen let her walk all over you, just try not to bring it all up to often, especially in an argument.
Im sure it will all be ok in the end, things take time XX
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 December 2006):
The only thing I can tell you is that a week after you got together, she wasn't really up to her eyeballs in the relationship yet. Time had not worked it's way into the relationship yet. In other words, you probably not as specail at that point, as you have become by this point. I mena, she probably didn't value to the full extent yet.
The statement that she "doesn't know what got into her" is worth figuring out though as it might happen again. She owes you some more information on that. After that though, you have to drop it or leave. She will only take flack for it for so long.
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A
male
reader, Betrayed Libra +, writes (13 December 2006):
Betrayed Libra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. It's been a few months since then and there hasn't been a day that her cheating on me hasn't crossed my mind. I'm still working out the trust issues in my own head and trying to move past it. It doesn't help that we're in a long distance relationship where we really can only see each other for a third of the month at a time. usually every other weekend for spurts of about 4 days. I would really like to get perspective from the person who's been cheated on to see how tough it is to get past it and move on. I know this can cause a strain in the relationship later if I don't get it resolved in my own head.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): You can be happy, if you can trust her again. If the two of you do love each other, you should be able to work through it. How long has it been since then? Has she done anything else to break your trust? Has she been trying to earn your trust back? A similar thing happened to me and my bf, a week after we started going out, I kissed a guy at a club, I was drunk, I did it right in front of him. But he did forgive me.. We have been together for over a year now, and still going strong, because after that I was true as possible.
So, it is possible to work things out, there can be love after cheating. After all, as you said, she has been open about it. She does not intend to deceive you. Hopefully, you can forgive her enough to forget. It is very difficult to forget, but hopefully you can leave it in the past and have a great present and future. Please give yourselves a chance, and if you two love each other and you can talk to her about how you feel sometimes, it may make your bond even stronger.
Hope that helped...
Take care..post back if any clarifications are needed. :)
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A
female
reader, affrycanprincess +, writes (13 December 2006):
You first need to evaluate how important this woman and the relationship is. If it is very important to you than the first step is to really forgive her ( when you really forgive someone you have to never bring it up or throw it in her face again) You may never forget..........
You have to deal with your feelings and decide if you can rebuild the trust you once had. But after a week how serious were things anyway???
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