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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi. i have a really big dilemma. I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, then she went to uni and eveythu=ing went worng. she cheated on me once, and then lied to me about ohter smaller issues, and my paranoia adn insecurity went through the roof, so i ended it all. I saw her for the first time in 6 weeks the other day, and she told me she cant forget me, and we both said we still are in love with each other,and i am, but i dont want things to go wrong, and get hurt again, what should i do? please please help!!
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female
reader, Dr.philina  +, writes (10 April 2007):
Im sorry to say this honey but if she cheated on you once shes very likely to do it again and she cheated so she didnt love you enough in the first place.if you really wanna try again go for it but i wouldnt advise that
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (10 April 2007):
I agree with Eyes and Irish49 -- and think Irish49's insight about love and the risk of hurt especially excellent.
It's possible that she was just not ready the first time around, being young and
going off to University and maybe, with much forgiveness on your part, it could
really blossom again!
I would say, if you do try again, just don't rush things and be honest with one
another, especially what does she want, what made her cheat in the first place?
Was there something missing between you two that you could now work on?
If the love is really there, you will both feel it.
Best of luck whatever you decide!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): I agree with eyeswideopen on this. One thing, I've learned along the path in life, is that the risk of getting hurt is part of the price you pay for the privilege of loving another. You just have to decide if 'loving' her and restarting your relationship, is worth the risk to you. Can you fully forgive her and move on to happier, future with her and put all this behind you? Will you be able to conduct a healthy, loving relationship without allowing this past indiscretion of hers, to pop up and create havoc in your relationship? Is she truly regretful for what she did? Trust is the foundation of a good, mutually giving relationship. Can you trust her again..never to lie nor cheat on you? If you have just an inkling that she is not trustworthy, then do not get back together. It will come back and haunt you and her relationship. Sometimes, we love people in our lives, who we know are 'liabilities'..and we have discern their character based on their behaviours. Judging from your posting, I am feeling that she caused deep pain in you. You take a big chance, in light of what you know about her. Like Eyes, said, you have been forewarned. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Looks like you have to decide whether you love her enough to take the risk. There is definitely the possibility that she regrets her past actions and has learned her lesson, however on the other hand she may have a character flaw and will hurt you again. Is she worth the risk? Only you can decide, but at least you've been forwarned this time. Good luck, buddy.
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