A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf is currently studying abroad in Italy. She gets back in a week. We were dating before she left and then I suggested we take a break while she's away. When she was in Europe there was a guy who showed a lot of interest in her and I didn't care for him. She said that she wouldn't fool around with him if it bothered me that much but in exchange she made me promise not to do anything with a friend of mine who I had hooked up with a few years back. Then a few weeks ago we got back together and I haven't seen her in person yet. Yesterday she told me that she was hanging out with some friends and she found out that while they were both blacked out drunk she had sex with him. She found this out b/c a friend of his was in the next room and heard them. Neither of them remembers and neither knows if they used protection. Now I'm supposed to see her in a week and I'm not sure what to do. This is tremendously upsetting and I don't know if I'll be able to deal, especially b/c I haven't slept with anyone since her and I was insecure about my inexperience already.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSoon567 you have no idea who I am or how I feel...and I think the aggressive tone is unnecessary. Right now I haven't made my decision on anything...I'm trying to get some input and then see how I feel. I don't appreciate being patronized and I don't know why you feel the need to bash me so much...all I did was ask for some advice and I feel as though I"m being attacked for feeling the way I feel. If I could deal with the emotions I"m feeling then I wouldn't need advice. So please for future reference try to have a positive attitude about it
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor clarification...I didn't know the guy before she went to Italy...she started hanging out with him there. Also I didn't say I wouldn't have sex, the only thing that we agreed on was she wouldn't do anything with her one particular friend and that I wouldn't do anything with my one particular friend. Also she didn't lie to me...her friend (not the one she supposedly slept with) told her that she slept with the guy and that's all he said. Later she asked why he thought that and he told her what I said in my one response about how it's possible nothing happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell from the sounds of it she hadn't gotten the full story from the guy who "saw" them. Initially the guy just told her that she and her friend had sex but he never elaborated as to how and neither of them remember this. So now after asking him how he knew that's what happened he said what I mentioned...he was under the assumption they had sex. They don't seem to think so b/c they believe they would have remembered at least some of it and that they would have been able to tell the next day...I'm not really sure myself but that's why I'm asking the question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 December 2009):
Sounds a bit suspicious to me. It went from them having to sex to nothing. I think you need to do more thinking about it all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): This was your dumbass fault for suggesting a break when she was leaving the country with another guy she liked. Seriously, what did you think was gonna happen?
If you didn't want her to have sex with anyone else and you agreed to no sex with anyone else yourself, then it was not a break at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I've now talked to her in more depth about this and apparently the friend didn't actually hear anything...he said that the two of them just went into a room by themselves, were gone for about 15 mins and then came back out but were really quiet. They were both really drunk and they are good friends so it's not unusual for them to hang out. Also she is saying that she is usually sore after sex but she doesn't recall ever having that soreness. Also he said that he doesn't recall anything out of the ordinary that would lead them to believe that anything happened. Also they weren't disheveled and their clothes weren't messed up at all. It looks like there's a good chance nothing actually happened but now I'm wondering what to think. Based on everything here what do you think about the situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): If she was drunk she obviously did not know what she was doing! People say and do things they dont mean when they are drunk, and if she was absaloutley paraletic drunk then she didnt mean it. Also if you said you should take a break from eachother she could have taken this the wrong way. When she gets back I would just sort everything out with a good chat. Dont get stressed and keep calm. She is probably worried too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 December 2009):
Hm. I'm always a little suspicious of people who say they can't remember anything. Sometimes, that indicates rape. But neither remembers anything, so I think it's safe to say they were both incredibly drunk.
You have to ask yourself a question, and that is can you forgive and trust this girl, who broke all her promises? Personally, I think it would be better now to move on and find someone else you can trust. Because when she goes back out there (assuming she is because she's there for a year), she might do it again. You won't know. And it will take more than a few weeks to fix as well. So ask yourself if you can forgive her, and if she's really worth it considering she made you make all those promises too.
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