A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: MOD NOTE: POSTERS ORIGINAL TITLE I am a 38 year old male who just got out of a 9 month physically, emotionally, psychologically and mentally abusive relationship with a 34 year old woman. She had two children. At first the relationship was beautiful and perfect and we thought we were each other's soul mates. At least that is what I wanted to think. I have been married twice. My second wife committed adultery and left me for our next door neighbor. I just couldn't believe I didn't see the signs. My girlfriend and I had a very healthy sex life for the first three months. Then, one day she gave the most beautiful card I have ever received. She filled both of the insides of it with the endearing and loving sentiments. The stuff that most people dream of reading and getting from their loved one. Then, the very next day everything changed. She called me and said that she didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked what did I do and she said that she had a right to change her mind. I said what was she talking about? She said that she didn't care about how I felt and wanted weeks to think things through. So no e-mails, no calling, no nothing. So that is what exactly what I did. Then, later on that day she starts calling me and I said what happened to what she asked of me. She ignored me. Two days later she decided that she wanted me back and I said no. She said why not? I said the only way I would go back with her is if she promised me she would never do this again and she agreed. That only lasted for a month. The more she would get upset, the more I would try to care for her. She would never ever say she was sorry for anything that she did. We went back and forth like this for another six months. Our sexlife stopped at the third month. She would talk about how much she wanted to be with me and how she dreamnt about us being intimate every night. She had me convinced that she was my soul mate and that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. Also, her daughters and she asked me to be part of their small family. She talked about us having children of our own and she even named our first child we were going to have. The idea of having a built in family and two girls that already considered me their father that made me very feel content. I loved her daughter's as if they were my very own and treated them as such. Every couple of weeks I would get fed up and leave and then she would say the exact right things to get me to take her back. She would talk a good game, but her follow through was terrible. But, like I said I was convinced this was the best woman I would ever find and worth having and I was to settle with this. I realized that she was a master manipulater. She loved to be in control. But, everything came to a hilt one Saturday night at Denny's with her children. We were all playing a board game and my girlfriend kept physically and psychologically pushing me. Then, out of nowhere she kept snapping her fingers at me and putting her hand in my face. I told her that I didn't appreciate it and that I had her remember the time I put my hand up in front of her face to get her attention because I was trying to cheer her up and she exploded such rage at me. She ignored what I was saying and continued to snap her fingers and put her hand in my face. Then, out of nowhere she took her arm and hand and pulled it back. She was about to hit me and I caught her arm and squeezed her wrist with such force and yelled out loudly, "Don't ever do that again!!!" I began to shake with all the adrenaline going through me. After, I did this I looked at her nine year old daughter and she looked scared. She said in her my mom's ear, "I am very scared". My girlfriend said loudly, "Don't worry he doesn't have the balls to do anything". Not only does she pyschologically take me down, now she is emasculating me in front of her daughters who have love and respect for me. I knew when I was holding her wrist that this was the very last time I was ever going to see her or her daughters ever again. I was okay with not seeing again, but her daughters that was much more difficult. My problem is essentially I continue to have one relationship after another where I become virtually a emotionally, pyschologically and sometimes physically a punching bag. When a relationship comes along where the woman is loving, caring and supportive I push them away within months. As I grew up my mother was very, very abusive in all ways possible. Just like with the woman I end up with. My dad used to put my mother up on a pedastal. She would yell so loud and carry on so. That he would do anything to get her to calm down. When he used to stand up for himself she never took him seriously. This is what I saw growing up so this is what I immulated. I need real help with how to avoid these kind of relationships. I would appreciate your help. Thank you.
View related questions:
sex life, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I feel so sorry for guys like you. Its not fair the way some of the sweetest guys in the world can get physically and emotionally abused by their girlfriends/wives and nothing is done about it. You know if you acted the same way she did, you'd be locked up for wife beating or whatever...its not fair. I agree with the other posters, you just have to get out. You have no legal ties to this family and while you may want to stay with them, for your sake and the sake of the children its better you get out.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Since this is a repetitive situation for you I suggest you get yourself some counseling. You have things a little skewed and I think to undo all the stuff from your childhood, you will need a professional. Until you get a handle on this, you are doomed to repeat these kinds of relationships over and over again.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Get out.
I've seen this before and it can get ugly.
34 is usually the age that women turn nasty and controlling. Time for a change. You can find love somewhere else, and not necessarily do you have to find it from a woman either. There are plenty of nice men who would give anything to be able to show you some love too.
Make sure you leave quietly, preferably moving out at night, under cover of dark while she's asleep and can't get abusive or try her tricks to get you back. Make for the back door with as much stuff as you can carry. Come back later for the rest, again under cover of the dark.
...............................
A
male
reader, lostbird  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 you and I need to go have a beer together!! I completly feel your pain man! difference is I am married to the one and have a child with her!
here was my post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-anyone-help-me-i-feel-i-am.html
as hard as it seems you need to move along. Tough time of year to do it with the holidays but for your own health and happiness it has to be done.
best of luck to you!
...............................
|
