A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused but Happy
writes:Dear Cupid,How do you know when to give up on a crush? I've been in love with an older man (17 years older) for over a year now. He is very sexy, handsome, successful, athletic, popular, great in bed, fun, laid back...in a lot of ways he is like Mr. Perfect in my eyes. However he is recently divorced, and persuing options with other women. He has said that he never wants to get married again or have children. I'm okay with that, at least at this point in my life. We are dating, and we are lovers. We see each other about once a week. He knows how I feel about him. I wrote him love letters almost every day for months and months when we were apart. And he's told me he loves me. But he doesn't love me nearly as much as I love him. He hardly ever calls me, or writes me, or asks me out. I feel like it's time to let go of him, but every time I try I just fall in love with him even more. He's so important to me, and loving him has improved my life a great deal. But I don't know if I should move on now. And if I should, I don't know how. I need help. I feel kind of pathetic, because I'm pretty sure he's sleeping with other women, and everyone tells me about all the girls they see him out with. I don't know how to confront him on this, or if I should? I did tell him he could see other women, I just didn't think he would take it as far as he has. Should I just give him more space, and accept that he's going to be seeing other women all the time? Should I give up on him? I wish I could make him fall in love with me but I don't know how. Maybe we're just not meant to be. But I feel like I could wait for him forever.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, brow  +, writes (6 April 2008):
I dated a woman like that. I put myself out there for her but she was holding onto some baggage from a previous relationship. I will not make myself that available for a person again unless they return the gesture and are ready for a commitment.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (6 April 2008):
 You should move on, definitely. If he's just been divorced and is with different women all the time, he won't be settling down with just you anytime soon. DO NOT confront him on women he's been seen with etc if you do want to keep him around. You are not in an exclusive relationship and so it technically isn't your business who he is with. You have sent him letters and he knows how you feel and still sleeps around, meaning he doesn't feel the same way. You really should move on. It probably hurts immensely to care so much about someone and have to hear about them being with other women. It will be hard but its for the best to stop seeing him. If it is truly meant to be, he will get his act together and want to be with you. For now, I think you will be better off and much happier without him.
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