A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im having trouble understanding whats happened in the past four days.My girlfriend, well ex now, has decided to leave me for someone else.. someone she met the day before she told me it was over.For the last two weeks we had been arguing because she wasnt pulling her weight in the relationship, she was making plans and then canceling them and wasnt making the effort, it felt one sided and i wanted us to work on it and stop arguing but all she did was argu about us arguing and so we kept arguing because i kept arguing back her arguing about us arguing because i just wanted to talk.. Yeah alot of arguing.. this all happened within 2 weeks.So anyway, the day before she ended it with me she met someone when she was out with friends drinking and the day after she told me it was over. Shes currently in the process of getting with this person and that just hurts.. told me she doesnt have any feelings for me anymore.. She had feelings two weeks ago? We were in love..Yesterday.. three days after the break up she came back.. not because she wanted me back but because she wanted me to be her friend.. i kept telling her i wouldnt because i cant be just her friend.. then she said will i add her back on facebook then and i said no.. so she left in a mood.This morning we texted a little more and she was telling me that i should take fault in this relationship.. how can i take fault in the relationship ending.. shes leaving me for another man?! She says i cant see the good in it.. what good is there to see.. shes leaving me for another man?! Told me im been cruel trying to make her feel bad, this isnt what she wants.. then why is she doing it? Said she was never going to contact me again.I dont get what happened? I asked her why we cant work on it.. i told her im so in love with her and i cant be just her friend.. she says she only wants to be my friend.. i told her i cant do that so she got annoyed and is now removing me out of her life completely.. one year together gone like that.. I dont understand what happened? What happened? Is it over for good now? Why does she want to be my friend so bad? I think thats selfish..
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 Nobody falls out of love in a second. Your ex hasn't been in love with you for a long time. Now that she found someone who caught her eye, she decided to dump you. Up to this point, one could say she hurt you by leaving but actually she hasn't done anything unforgivable.
The bad part is her asking you to remain friends. This is a cruel game. She knows you're in love, she knows you're in pain, but she just wants to keep you handy in case things don't work out with the other guy. This is bad and you shouldn't accept it.
Besides this, though I doubt she would do it, refuse to be her boyfriend again if she should suggest that. She doesn't love you, and she must not have you for a toy. It's over, and make sure it is, no matter how much YOU love her. She doesn't love you back.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 It is selfish. You did the right thing, I think the reason some people want to be friends with their ex's is so they can tell themselves, "see I wasnt so bad, I am a good person, if I wasnt a good person my ex wouldn't be my friend".
Just block her on facebook, block her texts, blank her out until you have had a few weeks to simply accept that she has behaved in a way you dont understand.
I also doubt she has only just met the new person, a lot of her behaviour in the preceding two weeks could have been an attempt to force you into behaving so she could say she left because YOU were at fault.
She has already tried say you are cruel, and that it isnt what she wants .... this is a classic shifting the blame strategy.
Deal with the hurt, go through the grieving processes, and then try and get on with you life. Good luck, it WILL get better!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): Yea she IS being selfish expecting you to be friends to make HER feel better. I think she knew this guy longer and feels guilty.
You are hurting and she needs to respect your bounderies and your feelings.You need distance and no contact to get through this and over her.Maybe in the distant future you can be mates,but not yet.
People do fall out of love,it happens, its how you behave toward your ex that shows the person you are though. You are doing and saying the right things. Good Luck xxxx
...............................
|
