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writes: hii've been going out with a girl for a year.she lives in my home town but we started going out while i was at university.i came home every weekend as she had to work and i couldnt live without her. holidays were realy good but term time was hard and we missed each other a lot. in my second year she was doing her A2 levels (shes 18) and things went well for the first two terms at uni.then in the easter holidays things were a bit strange. it was like she felt uncomfortable around me. when i asked her about it she said that she didnt know if she wanted to be with me anymore.it hit me like a ton of bricks and i broke down.i then had to go back to uni not knowing whether she wanted me or not and she kept saying she didnt know.i started to lose hope but i was with all my friends and far away so i started to accept it.i was still very upset but i was trying to move on. four weeks later i came home to sort things out.she didnt want to see me saying it would do more harm than good.eventually she agreed to meet up and we had a long talk.the chemistry was unbearable but we agreed not to do anything at least until the exam period was over. i was ok with this as i could still talk to her and although it was too early to be friends,we were on good terms. then two weeks later, she rang me and confessed that she was still in love with me,made a massive mistake and desprately wanted me back.i was still in love with her but i didnt know what to do. i said i wanted to concentrate on my exams and that i needed to think about it. the thoughts i had were: this might happen again and i will get hurt again, shes going to a university 6 hours away from mine at the end of summer so i wont see her very often,its my final year which is lots of work meaning i wont be able to see her, its her first year and i dont want to hold her back, if i dont get back with her now it will be better in the long run for both of us.i told her all these things, it was just a difficult time for me and i was thinking of my own feelings for a change.when i had to go home at the end of term i thought that i would be ok and i had got over the worst.trouble is i can see her house out of my bedroom and i started thinking more and more about her. i went out with my friends to the pub and saw her and my heart broke again.we had a row as she didnt understand why i didnt want to be with her.i got realy confused and angry and stormed home.i didnt know what to do. even though this is what i wanted,i feel so bad.shes being realy nice and caring asking how she can make it easier for me and i feel i dont deserve it.she still wants to be with me i think but i cant see it working once we both go back to uni.what can i do and should i get back with her? should i deal with it until i go to uni? what should i do when i see her? the worst thing im dreading is seeing her with someone else.very selfish but thats what i feel.hope someone can helpE
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reader, E +, writes (2 August 2006):
E is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, i took all your advice on board and I talked to her about a week after you answered.she said that she is over me now and does not want to get back together.she said i hurt her too much by telling her i didnt want to get back together straight away, and she didn't want to risk it with someone who hurt her.She is now seeing another guy but she says they are just friends,theyve kissed n stuff,probably more and i feel really bad about it.she says that she doesnt want to go out with him or anything.i left it just too long
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (20 July 2006):
 I applaud you for you wisdom at such a young age. You have made leaps and bounds that people twice your age haven't been able to accomplish. The thing is that you protect yourself amongst all things. Your feelings are validated in the fact that you know how you felt when she broke it off the first time. Distance is a big deal but can be worked thru. Trust your gut and follow your heart. When you see her be cordial and hold your composure. Never let her see you sweat and be brief. You gave her what she asked for now she must give you what you ask for. If you see her with someone else just be cool and act unphased. It could be totally innocent. Like I said b4 trust your gut and follow your heart. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Hi E,
I do understand how u feel. No one can really make that decision for you, because we are sure bound to have different opinion.But,if i was in your position though i would give her another chance. Relationship is all about risk and sometimes it doesnt go the way we hope. But that shouldnt put us off. Even if you dont give her a chance becos you are afraid of getting hurt you cant get any gaurantee that your next relationship will go smoothly as well. THe important aspect is that both of you love each other and if she really matters to you and you to her then i am sure the two of you will both be willing to work through the long distance when time comes. You can give it a try.
YOu can start now while the two of you are together build up on things and see how it goes. Explain to her how you felt when she called off the relationshipso that she realises how badly she must have hurt you.THe good thing is that she didnt leave you because she had interest in another guy and you have a girl that loves you and wants to try and work on things.
Take care of yourself now, Goodluck dear.
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