A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have no idea what to do right now. my ex gf broke up with me and said we are just too different and doesn't see how we can work. which we are very different, i can't dispute that with her. we've had a lot of disagreements and fights that have come from our differences. i love her so much, but i'd even gotten to the point where i was wondering if love was enough, myself. anyway, after a few days, she's started texting me and talking to me but made a point to let me know we are still broken up. it's very confusing. so i asked her where we stood. she asked me if we could just take it day by day and just see. there's a part of me that wants to be patient, but there's also another part of me that doesn't want to get hurt and needs to know if i need to move on. how do i handle this situation? some friends say to move on and that if she loved me, she'd fight for us. others say she wouldn't be talking to me at all if she were really done with me and she just wants to take some time to think and just see how it goes. any help and advice would be much appreciated. thanks in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): i am the poster of this question. a lot of our differences come from her being very high-strung and bossy, while i'm extremely laid-back. sometimes the way she talks to me really stresses me out and i don't know how to deal with it. she doesn't necessarily mean it offensively, but it comes across that way to me. she's also very OCD about cleanliness. little things stress her out, like leaving water around the edge of the sink or dropping a shred of cheese on the carpet. and she will get upset at me for things like that. i've tried to communicate to her how she talks to me makes me feel and it just winds up making her upset and think i want to change her and i don't accept who she is as a person. i think she feels like i don't accept who she is, and that i want to change her. but all i want to change is how she snaps at me. i love her as a person and i love her personality. i just don't like the way she sometimes speaks to me.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 It sounds like to me she is testing the waters to see if you've changed. That is why she is trying to take it day by day.
You don't provide any details about what your differences are. Sometimes if there are many differences and you can't learn to accept one another's differences, then even though you love someone, you'll only drive each other mad. Each one of you will be trying to change or correct the other one (and probably unsuccessfully). It sounds like to me that even though you have strong feelings for her, you may not be compatible.
It happens to many couples... they have a very strong attraction to one another, but sadly, one likes chocolate and the other vanilla.
I think it is time for you to take some time for self-reflection. Go over what you fought over in your mind. Are they reconcilable? Can you live with her idiosyncrasies? And most importantly, can she live with yours? Aside from your feelings for her TODAY, do you think your differences will be more pronounced 5 or 10 years down the road? What will a potential life-time commitment to her feel like?
You don't want to go through the painful break-up process again so consider if it is worth the risk of trying again. Only you can answer that question and maybe some time apart has given you some perspective on one another. Take things slow and keep an open mind on the situation but again, you need to ask yourself some tough questions and be able to view the situation in reality, not fantasy.
Eddie
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