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male
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*tbgsexy
writes: my gfriend and i have been together six yrs now she has broken up with me now for the fourth time last week and moved out of our house.you would think i would know what to do by now but i love her and want to better our relationship i cant get her to go to counseling.she has been molested and raped.i dont know much about how that affects people.but i cant help but think its some of her problems.i dont know how to get her back i made her jealous before that worked.but i hate playing games.i lied to her is why she broke up with me.but she said she never has lied to me wich is a total lie and i told her.i want her back and to have a better life so this will stop happening.i hgave been to two different counselors in the six yrs and it wasnt all that helpful by myself.i just want some help to improve me and know what im doing wrong or what im doing right she has a good nak for turning everything into my fault and i feel like total crap.or how do i get over her if its really over and how do you know someone please help very confused thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): It is hard to live with a person that has been molested or raped. So many things run thru their mind at one time. The thing that has to be remembered is that if you love her you must show her. A man has been the one that has done her wrong in the past. Why would she let her guard down to another man. I think she loves you but just cant let go of the past. Another thing is you cant keep throwing her past up to her. Its hard enough. My mom always told me if you lie about the small things you will lie about the big things. The point is just dont lie tell her the truth no matter what. I would say try to work it out. She really needs you if you care so much about her.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): You are damned if you do and damned if you dont! I think you two don't actually know just what you want. She will have very strong emotional problems if she has been raped and molested in the past and these need to be addressed and sorted. I know how you must feel. I split with one of my blokes in the past and i felt a wreck. It took me a long time to get over him and i moped around for ages but i'm glad i went through that and didn't go back. It made me a stronger person and i did go on to meet someone much better. I think you need some time on your own. Realise your worths and values and try and stay away from her. It will be the making of you.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, jtbgsexy +, writes (7 December 2006):
jtbgsexy is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont know if you girls are right or not i really love her and hate to throw six years away.when 50% of relationships dont work.i have never cared for someone so much its also hard she has a daughter that isnt boilogically mine but she is mine her real dad molested her and is out of the picture.she calls me dad a lot of the time and i think of her as mine.even though i have never wanted kids.im always a mess when im not with them its super hard.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 You do not sound that compatible to me. You mention that you love her but all the other comments are negative which indicates that differences must be beyond repair.
Why would you want somebody that lies to you and turns situation into being your fault?
In order to move on, you need to accept that it is over, distance yourself and meet other people until you find the One.
You ex being molested is a separate issue altogether, some people never recover from the trauma. It is not up to anyone else to decide how they cope but to the victim. You cannot force anyone to go to councelling if they do not feel comfortable going.
Be positive and a fresh start. Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, livinituk +, writes (7 December 2006):
i think that her being raped and malestered has left her with trust issues, that you aren't exactly helping the situation by lying to her. the fact tht it has ended so many times may mean that it isn't working and proberbly will not. you both obviously have your own issues you need to work through and you will most likely be able to do that better apart, then see how you feel afterwards!
i suggest you take a break and concentrate on yourself, before your relationship, first. if she still has unresolved issues with what happened to her in the past, then thats something only she can work through alone.
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